I am that merry wanderer of the night.

I am that merry wanderer of the night.
Tis I who wakes you with the terrible screeches
Of cats and dogs. I make the tap drip,
That’s so annoying and unstoppable.
I bring death to your wheelie bin, then
Drape the contents over your newly pruned hedge.
Never am I caught committing these
Dastardly deeds. Tis I who trips the
Electricity, forcing you to miss
The football match causing great monotony.
Tis I who lets out all of your chickens
From the hen house letting them run wild in
The garden. I scatter crisp packets over
The road and last night’s McDonald’s or the
Pizza box from the kebab shop. Greasy and
Unpleasant. Then I dig up your pot plant
Turning the front garden into a soil wasteland.
I unclamp the caravan then push it,
Down a hill, putting an end to your plans,
For a nice little holiday in the
South of France. I drain your pond and eat all
The fish diverting the water into
Next door’s perfectly manicured croquet lawn.
That unstoppable car alarm that will
Never cease to drive the neighbours to insanity.
I put down the patch of ice causing
Pedestrians to slip all over the place.
I change the road signs from left to right,
Sending a visiting driver in the
Wrong direction. I make the night hell since
I am that merry wonderer of the night.

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