David (Dave) Cameron
Nick Clegg
William (Bill) Hague
George (George) Osborne
Vince (Vinny) Cable
Liam (Foxy) Fox
Andrew (Andy) Lansley
Chris Huhne
Ken (Kenny) Clarke
Theresa (Tree) May
Michael (Mike) Gove
David (Dave) Laws
Danny (Boy) Alexander
Eric (Ricky) Pickles
Jeremy (Jezzer) Hunt
Iain (Ee) Duncan Smith
Baroness (Baz) Warsi

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1. hold spectacles horizontally at arm’s length, front of lenses pointing upwards
2. remember where the door is (this bit is to a large extent dependent on your prescription strength)
3. open door and quickly thrust arm out as far as you can reach – note no upward sweeping movements of arm
4. have independent timekeeper count to five seconds – recommend the one thousand and one, one thousand and two etc method
5. outstretched arm must be free of all interference – ensure no collateral precipitation occurs from guttering, pub sign above door etc. artificial drips play havoc with the measurements and lessen the accuracy of  results.  if [Read more →]

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Don’t wait until you can’t attend the party. How many times are there when you get all your old mates together in the same room? Probably not since your wedding. Well now’s the chance. Don’t wait until you are dead. Conduct your own wake now. Chose the music, what you want to say about yourself, the venue!

Only problem is that if people know you aren’t actually dead will they come to the wake? Avoid the embarrassment of finding out who your real friends are by suggesting they have their own wake at the same time. That way they will definitely want to come.

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Gannets and fulmars over
St Kilda. Pigeons on
Nelson’s Column.

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I’m just going home to do some painting so that I can watch the paint dry. It is more interesting than the England v Italy 6 Nations Rugby International I have been watching!

Thanks to Huw for this idea.

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The ultimate work of art, a model reproduction of an entire life. You can rewind or fast forward to any stage from birth to death. You can see what is going on in the mind and experience all the phases of this person’s life.

It’s a very long term project!

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Anyone wanting to participate in a choir could ring in to a conference bridge and participate in the session remotely.

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How about we create virtual rock concert venues where we get everyone a seat. The early bird get the lower seat numbers. there could be incentives for early birds eg free cd’s, t shirts.

Attendees could log on and check venue details, concert information, ticket delivery information, buy merchandise in advance, book parking facilities etc

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Historical

In prehistoric times if it was done at all it is likely that the function of the lawnmower was performed by the use of sheep and other animals to keep the grass down.

The concept of having a lawn as a largely decorative part of one’s garden is almost certainly an idea born out of civilisation.  This set of ideas explores the history of the lawnmower and looks at it’s position in and effect on society during the period of its existence.

Artistic

It is easy to see the lawnmower as both a work of art and a tool, paintbrush if you like, that can be used to create art. In this section both aspects are looked at.

Organic

The clippings of a lawnmower can be used to create compost that will then be fed back into the soil to encourage further growth. This cycle can be looked at simplistically or in a manner that provokes wider thought.

The simple view is just the breakdown of the process of cutting the grass, making the compost and feeding it back into the soil.

A more complex approach might be to use the process to look at much deeper subjects such as the whole existence of life.

On the way we can see that the grass cuttings, laid down over millennia, could stratify into layers of rock that illustrate the lasting effect and influence of the lawnmower.

Religious

In this we explore the religious aspects of lawnmowers from being simple mechanical objects used to religiously mow the lawn every Sunday afternoon to iconic symbols representing a higher order of things (aka the cross) through to the lawnmower itself being a god.

Nostalgic

A simple look back at the good old days of the lawnmower.

Scientific/Engineering

The lawnmower has evolved from being a simple mechanical cutting tool to a sophisticated electromechanical machine that embodies many advancements in the science of mankind. This extensive section looks into all the technical aspects of a lawnmower.

Sophistication

There are many facets to the lawnmower as a sophisticate from the use of expensive high end lawnmowers to mow the lawns of the wealthy to the highly developed and sophisticated brain that we might attribute to a “lawnmower about town”.

Practicality

A down to earth piece about the usefulness of the lawnmower.

Redundancy and Obsolescence

The coming of artificial grass possibly sounds the death knell for the  lawnmower.  We discuss a scenario that postulates the end of the lawnmower era.

Obsession

I’m just crazy about lawnmowers.  I collect them, I lovingly maintain them, I defend them from critics in the same way that I would defend my sixteen year old daughter from the attentions of the young lothario.

Violence

Their blades rip, cut and destroy all living things in their path leaving behind a trail of death. Is there beauty in this violence? Is it pure malevolence?

Emotion

It all wells up in me when I look at my lawnmower.  Lets find out why.

Duty

Does a lawnmower have a sense of duty?  After all, aside from the occasional difficulty getting it started it rarely complains when asked to do a task.

Event

Roll up ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the lawnmower.

Influence of

The lawnmower has influenced many great inventors and artistic geniuses. Lets look at how.

It is also now an offence to be found driving under the influence of a lawnmower. Lets see why.

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