It’s an odd way around I’m sure you’ll agree
But Lily’s no normal plant
Her golden petals and beautiful scent
Warm the heart of each passing ant

The beetles all love her and bees simply swoon
Each time Lily pops out of the ground
Every year in the spring when the sun comes again
In the meadows is where she’ll be found.

The cows are her friends and they leave her to bloom
Without adding her leaves to their cud
Though they have to take care not to tread on her stalks
When the ground all around churns to mud

Because Lils likes it most when the rains come to soak
- it’s the sky shedding tears of delight
At the thought of young Lily beginning to smile
What a beautiful, beautiful sight.

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Cows don’t have trunks, elephants do which can come in very handy especially for drinking up buckets of beer and then squirting it at whoever is sitting opposite.

Never try and milk an elephant, it could have fatal results and in any case elephant milk doesn’t go well with tea.

Cows are afraid of tigers but I don’t think elephants are, though I’m not 100% sure on this one.

Cow poo is a different shape to elephant poo and you can’t play bowls with it although it is good as a frisbee once it has dried.

Both cows and elephants can be called Nellie. Norman, however, is an unusual name for both species.

Nellie the cow packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus – yep that works.

You would never get an elephant flying over the moon though, they’re far too big and heavy and would take too much rocket fuel to get them going.

You can get more people on the back of an elephant provided it is a fully grown adult.

Happy birthday Megsy.

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Leave my cake alone
I’ve hidden it from my mummy
If she went and found it
It would end up in her tummy

Leave my cake alone
It’s covered in chocolate cream
If you try and lick it
You will surely make me scream

Leave my cake alone
You pastry popping daddy
Coz if you scoff it down
It will make you feel a baddy

Leave my cake alone!

For Stella on her birthday.

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Exploring the waters we were suddenly caught
In a current that left us powerless to resist;
Swept downwards we struggled to keep our heads
Above the torrent and to avoid the attentions of the rocks
That waited their chance at each bend.

In no time at all, it seemed, we found ourselves
Down the river and out at sea fighting huge waves
That pummeled us as much as had the river earlier in our journey.
The waves eventually grew smaller and we were washed
Onto a gentle sloping beach where we were able to recover.

Around us were exotic plants of all kinds
And above the beach the miracle of a terrace bar,
No illusion this but an invitation to partake.
Dripping back to our towels we picked up some
Valuables to barter for ice creams with the locals.

Wild water rapids we got licked!

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On a cold October day

When Joefish D, the kayaking kid

Went paddling out to play.

He zipped his wetsuit up the back

And tightened his buoyancy aid

And chose his boat, a bright orange job,

Whilst father went and paid.

His helmet sat comfortably on his head

And his paddle was to the fore

Then in he went, in seal launch mode

A professional to the core

An impressive start he skimmed across

The white topped icy lake

Splashed to his left, and floated right

With hardly any wake

He paddled for miles on that grey autumn day

His muscles were tired and sore

But out he came, with a grin on his face

You knew he’d be back for more

Reverse paddling, Eskimo rolls

There’s nothing this boy will not try

And all his mum asks, at the end of it all

Is that he comes home reasonably dry.

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delicate yet deceptively strong.

Wind and rain can blow and batter

yet, still, when the warmth of the sun pours out,

we are rewarded with  beauty.

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He can play most any sort,

Give him a bat and give him a ball

He’ll have a go at them all.

Johnny’s keen on football,

The best centre forward yet,

He runs ahead and scores the goals

Without his breaking sweat.

At playing cricket he excels

And bowls a steady line,

Then when he’s batting whacks the ball

For sixes every time.

Golfing’s great when John’s around

He hits it down the middle,

He always gets a hole in one

With hardly any trouble.

Swimming up and down he does

Before he goes to school,

He ploughs the lanes with a fast front crawl

In the town swimming pool.

At badminton his record is

Eighty three with Tom,

And if he keeps on practising

It will be 100 before long.

He paddles here he paddles there

When kayaking with his brothers,

Eskimo rolls and a big seal launch

Whilst splashing one another.

Basketball? – he’s not very tall

So he hasn’t played this yet,

But when he grows a foot or two

He’ll find that high up net.

At rugby he’s a fast scrum half

And scores before you know it,

He is the best but it must be said

That tennis is his favourite.

He’s ace at serving, volleys hard

His back hand is great to see,

But his forehand topspin beats the lot

If you were asking me.

When it’s raining hard outside

At snooker he’s quite able,

Then he likes to play ping pong

Upon the kitchen table.

John is partial to his sport

He can play most any sort,

Give him a bat and give him a ball

He’ll have a go at them all.

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Likes to dance and play the fool

People think she’s a bit crazy

But not me I think she’s cool.

This is only a short poem

Because Lilly’s not so tall

But it’s only fair to mention

She’s only six, that’s why she’s small.

Her mummy tells me she is mad

I think that’s a great thing to be

If she wasn’t I’d be sad

She really means a lot to me.

Cos mad mad mad mad mad mad mad

Makes her popular at school

People think she’s a bit crazy

But not me I think she’s cool.

Is Lilly

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Some with holes and some, which when you smell ‘em

blows your socks off to your kneeses

filling your head with lots of sneezes.

Not all cheese is holy,

except when eaten by a vicar

or an Archbishop of Canterbury.

Not all cheese is smelly

Unless left in the fridge too long

In which case it’ll start to pong.

Some cheese is blue, its true

The choice is yours

Its down to you.

If you prefer orange or red or green

This type of cheese is often seen

Upon the supermarket shelf

And if eaten in moderation

Is said to be quite good for your elf.

Spreadable, dunkable,  toastable cheese

Is sometimes all it takes to please

A yatchsman sailing on high seas.

But best of all is good old cheddar

A taste I learnt of from another

Who said it originates from a cow

I found it difficult to believe how,

When it clearly comes in a plastic cover

Bought in Tesco by my mother.

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You see their bottoms are too hairy

And they’re really very heavy

So they don’t find perching easy.

When they come in from the woods

With their paws all wet with honey -

A chair can get quite sticky

And their mothers do get fussy

Because it makes the cushions smelly.

So when they watch the telly

They’re made to sit upon the floor

On a rug

Which is difficult to break

Unlike the chair

And they’re not allowed a drink

Because a spill could cause a stink

Which again their mums don’t like – I think..

Bears don’t sit on chairs.

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