Archive for the ‘random’ Category

The written word

Saturday, October 23rd, 2021

Upon my soul

When did you last see your father?

Wallop is a word with multiple meanings

In the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty.

We certainly live in uncertain times but has it not ever been thus? 

Some people pray before hitting the hay. Pray before hay!  In my mind we should perhaps give thanks whenever we wake up as opposed to before we go to sleep although I guess there is no particular rule on what people pray for at any time of day. It’s either thanks for making it through the day or thanks for making it through the night.

The exception to this is if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep in which the phrase “thank you very much” may not be considered a genuine expression of gratitude.

I’ve never prayed for anything. It’s a personal thang. If praying is your thang then that’s fine. I do religiously listen to the wireless in bed, both at night and in the morning. Actually I don’t really listen to it. At night it’s there for soporific effect. In the morning it’s more about habit than listening.

Have you ever considered how the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle has affected your life? If you are uncertain as to the answer that is probably part of it.

Interesting

Saturday, July 10th, 2021

Interesting that the “country needs an opportunity to let its hair down”. Note so does the opposition.

Interesting that politicians come out of the woodwork as football fans, make speeches about it in the House of Commons and wear England football tops newly sourced for the occasion. Don’t they realise the contempt this engenders.

Interesting to see the unleashing of a drunken nationalistic fervour.

Interesting to watch the periodic build up of hopes and expectations – beware they are mostly dashed in the final analysis.

Interesting to observe the lack of understanding when English people find that Scots, Welsh and Irish are ambivalent to the outcome of the final.

Interesting that cheating seems to be accepted as part of the modern game (they should introduce the sin bin).

the rain that soaks

Saturday, May 8th, 2021

Ma gurd it is wet out there. The 

rain pelts down on the conservatory 

roof and I have to venture out

to get jabbed. It is good that I 

unblocked the drainpipe during 

the week just gone, the soaking

I received a mere splash compared 

With what would be were I to try it now.

suburban living

Friday, May 7th, 2021

suburban living. sitting in traffic, timing your tedious journey to the valuable minute, squeezing every last second out of the trip. a five minute result. five precious minutes out of the ordinary. tired in no time, life ticks away.

the bus pass

Saturday, April 17th, 2021

Raoul Castro has finally taken his bus pass. I have visions of him travelling around on the front seat of a rickety old 1950s bus taking in the sights of Cuba. And why not? After a long career in public service people need to be able to finally put their feet up before they pop their clogs 🙂 I wouldn’t have thought they play much golf in Cuba so he will probably have to find other things to keep him busy. Writing in to the Havana Times and similar.

That’s the sort of thing I could envisage doing. After my breakfast of boiled egg and soldiers washed down with locally grown coffee, sat outside on the patio, I’d get my writing pad out and pen letters on subjects close to my heart. Complaints about the bus service. Stuff like that.

I’d probably stroll into town, maybe catch a bus, and meet my pals in Cafe Arcangel. It is one of the city’s best coffee shops. The sort of place you can while away the hours, glancing occasionally over the top of your newspaper at people going about their business in the street outside. The owner Joao always has a cheery smile.

soup du jour

Friday, April 16th, 2021

soup du jour

I quite like this phrase. Just came into my mind now. No idea why. One of those inspirations that pop up from nowhere. Soup du jour. There, I said it again. The soup itself repeated.

Toujours Tref. 

That’s another one. There will be many others. Too many for them all to happen at once. How would anyone cope? An explosion of creativity. Of thoughts. The staccato sound of an idea machine in action like fifty out of sync woodpeckers in a forest of inventions.

Quit while you are ahead. Or just quit.

war

Friday, April 16th, 2021

In 1803 Britain declared war on France. This is not a concept we can get our brain around these days. Not declaring war on france specifically. Just declaring war. We have had wars in recent times but they tend not to involve a declaration. We just pick on someone smaller than us and send in the tanks. Or drones.

An unusual opening sentence that. I think I overheard it on the TV and wrote it down. I no longer recall the context. This is of no consequence. I haven’t even gone to the effort of finding out why war was declared. Some French shenanigans somewhere no doubt. Or English. Nowt to do with the Welsh or Irish. The Scots would have been on the side of the French.

We have declared war at least three times in my lifetime. The Falklands and the First and Second Gulf Wars. These are all events that were played out in the media to a greater or lesser degree. Nowadays we all sit back and watch battles happen on our screens.

beyond your wildest dreams

Monday, April 5th, 2021

What will you find beyond your wildest dreams? Dreams already so wild will anybody take them seriously? Shake loose the bonds of convention. Unshackle your imagination. 

I’m not talking posh house and a fancy set of wheels here, or a villa in the sun. That’s not your dream. That’s a dream created for you and needs no imagination.

I’m not even talking about the dream itself here. I want you to go further. Much further. To the edge.

the closing zip

Saturday, March 13th, 2021

Anne just called me on WhatsApp. Answered but it was clearly a misdial. She had just sent me a message. All I heard was the sound of a zip closing – obviously put her phone into her bag.

This is an everyday occurrence somewhere. We have all experienced it. It doesn’t feel like something that might appear in a history book. Even her trip to the shops wouldn’t make the historical record although that to some extent depends on how long google/mobile phone company/the government keeps the data. It wouldn’t be something you could easily access anyway.

Life is full of so many interesting things. Most folk would probably think you were crazy thinking that hearing someone’s bag being zipped up from the inside was interesting. In a thousand year people might look at it differently. “Oo they used to use bags”, or “what’s a zip or a phone?”

It’s a work of art in its own right. You may not think it is but it is. 

“Handbag zip being closed heard from the inside”

There is more. I was the only one who heard this happening. It is a work of art that I have described to you that you need to picture in your own mind.  It’s a virtual work of art. 

I present it to you with no thought of remuneration. Your enjoyment is my reward. Please accept it in the spirit with which it was offered.

Thank you.

weird dream

Sunday, February 28th, 2021

Weird dream about anne at LHR

A fair bit of my grey cell usage recently has been devoted to travel arrangements for next year’s East Coast and Caribbean (maan) trip. The main issue is how to use the BA companion voucher to best effect. The ideal solution would be a direct flight to Tobago from LHR T5 with a first class cabin. This would give us max value for the Avios, a night before in the Sofitel plus use of the Concorde lounge before the flight.

Unfortunately not only do BA now not do a direct flight (did they ever?) as it goes via Antigua but also they don’t operate a First Class cabin. This is a covid casualty I’m sure. The same is true for Trinidad (via Saint Lucia) which is a short 20 mins hop from Tobago and therefore an acceptable alternative. Moreover both flights originate from Gatwick which is very much a poor cousin without the quality of overnight accommodation for the night before.

A BA 4 cabin flight to Barbados out of LHR is an alternative as could be Miami although the latter is less desirable as we are routing through there to the Big Apple and thence Boston on the way home. The other issue is the dearth of reward flight availability. This is likely because there will be a lot of folk like me working from home sat on a load of Avios and desperate to book a trip somewhere.

My strategy is to have an order of flight option preference and begin the process of midnight vigils nearer the time the bookings need to be done which is 355 days before the date of travel. The reward flights are there. They just get snapped up quickly. The late bird gets the reward flight, as the saying goes (yes it does). Truly first world problems.

Now all this is just the preamble to the dream I had last night. I rarely remember dreams but this one was persistent so I did. Anne and I were for some reason at the airport with the kids off to I know not where. Could have been Tobago I guess. The point was we got separated early on and in looking for her I kept finding myself on some obscure high street somewhere having to go back and find the somewhat obscure entrance to the terminal. I did at some point find myself at the door of the 1st class check in and weirdly they handed me a dressing gown on a coat hanger even before check in telling me I’d have to wait. There was no point in staying there without Anne so I went back out to look for her. At some stage I decided to call her but found that I had her phone. Der! The dream ended without conclusion other than when I looked at the departures board to check the gate number (she might have gone to the gate) I saw that the flight was departing two hours earlier than I had thought which could well be a problem. 

No idea.

Caveman hair

It may have been noticed that I have been growing a moustache and beard. Other than a previous attempt during the first lockdown I have never had facial hair. It’s a bit of an art experiment. I quite like the image. Long hair with hippylike stuff on the face. Totally suitable for someone who runs a vintage vw campervan rental business and a festival. The only thing missing is a garland of flowers. I have all the necessary shirts and jackets.

Now facial hair does bring with it practical considerations. First or all some schools of thought consider that you need to occasionally trim it and keep it tidy. This I have never had to do and am unskilled in the art. On this basis it hasn’t been done. The alternative is to just not bother trimming it. However it starts to have an impact when, for example, taking a drink of water. I find that the moustache gets in the way of things entering my mouth. It is not yet long enough to train to the sides.

It made me think about cavemen. They presumably didn’t cut their hair? Did they tie it back in a bun or ponytail? Quite fetching I’d imagine and also practical. What about the moustache though?

Everything is blurred without my glasses

When I got up this morning I sat on the edge of the bed and looked around. I saw a jumbled blurr of shapes. I knew what every shape was but it lacked definition. Think of going through life like this. I was around 10 years old when I got my first pair of specs. Brown plastic HNS jobs. They were a revelation. When I walked out of the shop I saw things I never knew existed. Like signs above the shops! I remember the day as clearly as my vision was improved.

Before the glasses were invented people used to have to live without. Maybe they died young, killed off by the ferocious wild animal they didn’t spot hiding behind the bush or being run over by a horse and cart when crossing the road. 

It’s a good job old Salvino D’Armate and Allesandro della Spina rocked up. What a team. Inventor Sal came up with the idea for specs and monk Al spread the word. Probably helped a lot with bible reading back in the day. Those books were far too heavy to lift closer to your face so that you could read them even though the font was a bit bigger than today’s standard. Latin dingbats script is really difficult to read at the best of times.

Nowadays had the glasses have only recently been invented they would be marketed heavily in embedded Google widgets placed strategically in the wide margins of said Bibles (or Koran etc depending on your brand preference). “Consign Latin dingbats script into history. Free up your inner Arial 10”.

This post was typed unseen using google dictation without wearing eye glasses.

Do you really want to know the direction of your life?

I was listening to the Archbishop of Wales this morning, as one does. He mentioned that before entering the clergy he was a solicitor with his life notionally mapped out in front of him. He made the break. 

It’s probably a lot easier to do this if you have a calling such as the church. I suspect it isn’t quite the same when society pressurises you in a certain direction. Career, progression, ladder, money, more money, mortgage. Notionally it is about long term security.

You can’t really criticise this. You can dislike it. In fact for a lot of people it isn’t about any of the above. It’s about keeping a roof over their head, feeding the kids and having enough money for a TV with sky and netflix.

Life is one big surf party. Waves come along. You have to be able to catch them. Catch the excitement. The thrill of the game. Adrenaline. Difficult I know but you got to do it.

Leisurely sunday brunch

Added some small banana pancakes with maple syrup to breakfast this morning. It’s a winning combo. Chopped chillies with my fried egg, smoked bacon and sausage on the side.

noisy birds

Wednesday, February 24th, 2021

Noisy birds even though at 06.12 it is still dark out.

Just before 9am in the shed I hear the sounds of silence. A creaking heater, a refrigerator and cars on the road at the front. I am waiting for a conference to start.
Slightly annoying that they don’t let you into the room before the start. I’m sat here, waiting, listening to the silence.
The doors have opened. The presenters are really excited. The introducer is German and adds Mr before everyone’s name. He is also reading his talk. Seems to be the standard form for American corporates.
It is Wednesday morning. The midpoint. Halfway. As much of the week behind us as ahead. A finely balanced day. The clock nears the tipping point and the race for the weekend. We tumble headlong towards the rest of our lives. Do not look back.
The new presenter speaks monotone. It is difficult to get excited about cloud containers and hypervisors. In an attempt to liven up the morning I have put on my Alice Band. Even with having to make a slight adjustment it didn’t take up much time. That is good. Time is valuable.
The nuts and bolts of business are quite tedious. How can anyone get excited about nuts and bolts? Or screws. I totally get the corporate days out at the rugby or cricket and the posh dinners in exotic restaurants. The dull grind ensuring the nuts don’t work loose from the bolts?

the curry

Friday, February 12th, 2021

KEY INGREDS – no need to delete if we already have

Boneless mutton or lamb

Ginger paste

Garlic paste

Ground turmeric

Cinamon stick

Coriander seeds

Black peppercorns

Fennel seeds

Clove

Curry leaves

Mustard seeds

Red onions

Deggi mirch chilli powder

Long pepper powder ?

Tinned toms

Coriander leaves

Gunpowder potatoes

As above but also

spuds

Cumin  seeds

Spring onions

Green chillies

Lime juice

Kabab massala (see page 358 🙂

Masala prawns starter

King prawns

Chickpea (gram) flour

Small tomato

Atta chapati flour

words

Monday, February 8th, 2021

A random spread, 

of words plucked, 

from thin air, 

high altitude argument,  

badinage bad boys

bye bye don

Wednesday, January 20th, 2021

If you ever find you’ve woken up far too early just head downstairs and spend some time online. I came down at 5.30am and it is now 06.10 and nearly time to make the tea. The fact that it isn’t my turn doesn’t really matter. Anne does a lot for me 🙂 This is the third law of the internet in action. 

Amazingly it’s nearly eleven years since the third law was stumbled upon (you don’t invent a law of nature/you don’t make these things up). The third law says that if drinking a hot drink when surfing the internet it always goes cold before you finish it. It is a fact that has been proven many times over. I’m sure the reader will have evidenced it themselves.

One thing I’ve just thought of is whether the 3rd law existed in another form in the days before the internet existed. Is it something that has always been there but needed the invention of the internet for the proof to surface. Is it really the third law of something else just manifested as being of the internet because that is the one scenario to which it applies that I’ve been able to identify. Sounds like an area for some interesting research. Not today though.

I did write the book “The 3rd Law of The Internet” but it needs some heavy editing and I have no idea when it will surface if ever. In the meantime the initial early version is available free of charge over at philosopherontap.

Outside I can hear heavyish rain. It must be heavish because I can hear it on the conservatory roof even though the doors to the conservatory are closed. It was forecast. Storm Christoph. This doesn’t feel like one of those raging gale storms that force you to do up all your buttons (or zips) and bow your head into the wind whilst holding onto your hat. Just a heavy rain storm. I’ll find out soon enough on my commute.

Today is the day we wave goodbye to the orangudon as President of the US of A. No tears will be shed unless they be tears of joy. Relief perhaps. What a disaster. It’s made the whole world take an interest in the US Presidential Elections like never before. When Don took an aggressive litigating stance against the results we all held our breath. After all stupider things have happened, maybe, and he might have been able to strong arm his way through. Fortunately common sense took over, for now at least. I look forward to watching the court battles to come. It will be a distraction from the pandemic.

end of day

Monday, January 11th, 2021

Nightfall. A day quickly over. Curtains closed on a cold and inhospitable world.