Archive for the ‘random’ Category

the #ashtag rap

Monday, April 19th, 2010

When I was in Tesco – looking for Tabasco
I came across a shelf that was empty of goods
I asked them where the sauce was they said they had no more because
The volcanic ash cloud stopped all the planes

Tommy

Sunday, April 18th, 2010

 It’s Tommy this and Tommy that

And kick him out, the brute

Rudyard Kipling

The vehicle’s new, in fact not quite finished, and you’re yet to see what it can do. You think the road ahead is clear. But it’s a high performer, it’s temperamental and you’re not quite au fait with the gears.

So it is with youth on its way to maturity. And leaving home to join the Air Force as I did at seventeen, there was no parent in the passenger seat advising me to slow down, no back-seat older siblings pointing the way.

Fresh out of training, I was posted to RAF Marham in Norfolk to help maintain radar equipment fitted to the Vickers Valiants stationed there at the time. Flight Sergeant George Tomkin, known as Tommy to his subordinates though not to his face, was my boss.

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sleep

Saturday, April 17th, 2010

shoulders slump
eyes shut I can hear birds in the garden
the spring sunshine streams through the conservatory roof
heart beat slows almost to a halt, head nods forward, soon I will no longer be awake…………………………………………………………………………

dog quotes from Saturday 17th April

Saturday, April 17th, 2010

I saw a man walking a dog. I thought it was a pig.

woof woof. all dogs must be kept on a lead. woof woof.

it’s a dog’s life.

come by shep, wheeet, wheeet.

siiittt

seawater

Friday, April 16th, 2010

the sound

Friday, April 16th, 2010

calf

Friday, April 16th, 2010

confluence

Friday, April 16th, 2010

ambidexterity

Friday, April 16th, 2010

ambidexterity means no cricked neck!

‘D’ Day

Saturday, April 10th, 2010

They’re on the beaches.
We’ll fight them, then.
Nearly 70 years on, in fact.
Welcome to an unseasonably warm IOM.
Dara Ó Briain ticket for Wednesday available for Hannah.
Downside? She has to come with me.
Upside? Transport both ways for Hannah.

cans of lager

Saturday, April 10th, 2010

can of lager
can of lager
psshtttt
psshtttt

can of lager
can of lager
psshtttt
psshtttt

Guest Beers at the Victoria April 1st 2010

Monday, April 5th, 2010

Mauldon’s Cuckoo (4.3%) £3.05
Dixons Colour of Spring (4.2%) £2.95
Butcombe Gold (4.4%) £3.15
Batemans Eggs-B (4.2%) £2.95

Still Life

Monday, April 5th, 2010

A back garden in Lincoln.

‘Terremoto’

Monday, April 5th, 2010

It’s 27th February 2008. The time 0056 hours. From a deep and tranquil sleep in peaceful Lincoln, I’m jolted into awareness by sudden ferocious thunder. This thunder, however, comes not from the clouds but from deep underground, a rumbling, rolling subterranean growl, felt more than heard as my house shakes violently around me. For ten, long seconds I hear the tiles above my head clatter and, half expecting chimney pots, I warily eye the ceiling as the overhead light swings in the streetlamps’ orange glow.

‘Terremoto!’

But this is England. After years of repressed tectonic distortion, it’s Mother England who’s abandoning her maidenly restraint to bellow and buck in a quaking orgasm of relief. Why should the Spanish word for earthquake spring into my mind? I’m transported back thirty-eight years.

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THIRD LAW OF TINTERNET part 2

Sunday, April 4th, 2010

click here for part1

I’m back in my usual seat in the corner of the kitchen. It’s a pew we bought from Anne’s church, St Peter in Eastgate, for £130. I’m told that the going rate at auction is £30 but what the heck. It’s charidee. £130 is what the new flexible seating costs per seat.

The church’s loss is my gain. As seats go it is absolutely rock solid. Bedded in by thousands of bottoms, mostly now dead and buried. There is something poetic about having it in the kitchen with me, a confirmed atheist, sat on it writing. I also eat on it of course. The kids fight to sit on it when we are eating.

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