random favourite tweets part 2

More chinks in the curtain of the twittersphere:

Q “can i ask how you will be voting?” A “Yes, I’ll put on my shoes go to the local school and put an x in the box”

Are the Seattle Seahawks British? They’ve got that plucky underdog thing going nicely.

If anyone wants to lose weight really fast, send me money, whatever you’ve got, and I’ll send you some of my patented Snakeskin Oil.

Went out today to buy a milk jug and came back with a rather nice frying pan πŸ˜‰ Kind of sums me up in the kitchen!

Glasgow. Munster. Glasgow. Munster. Glasgow. Munster. Glasgow. Munster.Glasgow. Munster.

Don’t feed the trolls.

at local kebab shop newly cleaned motor looks awesome! “chilli sauce?!” “you betcha!!!”

America shoots its politicians with a depressing regularity.

kitchen time. cutting and paring, peeling and chopping. chicken, vegetable and noodle soup from fresh for lunch.

Can someone please ask the weather to keep the noise down? Am trying to sleep, here.

“The sleeping fox catches no poultry.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

πŸ™‚ I want the whole underground to be made of Lego now

What a damp miserable old day. Time to crack open a bottle methinks. Cheers.

split squats to strengthen the piriformis and help sciatica…..nice move

if I have learned anything from your recent Tweets about TV shows it is that you’re better off not watching πŸ™‚

usa government wants to know about all my tweets and more since november 1st 2009. do they realize i am a member of parliament in iceland?

Realising that many people don’t have an inner stillness.

Tent: Up for the first time. Winter. Rain. All our gear inside. 26 minutes.

Quote of the Day “Better a 2nd hand ride than a 1st hand walk”

Just had to do some parental technical support, and of course, step number one always fixes the problem: reboot your computer!

have just learned that if you make ‘clafoutis’ with a fruit other than cherries, it should properly be called a flaugnarde. wow.

Global Broadband ISP Internet Access Subscribers Reach 509 Million http://bit.ly/hbeJ4e

Lions don’t have to worry about every little detail in life…just the mane thing.

Anyone in uk getting married & need photographer? 1st. Two couples to book me are free. @ me for more info

Cheese, chocolate, Yorkshire Tea, TMS. Fuck you in the ear, depression.” <—Best tweet ever. ‘Scuse the lingua franca.

Just FYI world the ‘100% natural blonde hottie’ Kate Hughes who has got her kit off for Playboy is not me

Travelled to Lincoln today (A17) & noted some diesel prices on route: Jet Β£1.31, Esso Β£1.33, Gulf Β£1.34, BP Β£1.36 !!(Sutterton Roundabout)

Question: running tonight? Not overly keen πŸ™

Finally got round to writing the lyrics to that Arizona song I did last summer.

feel like i’m closing a mental door and moving on with the good stuff. no longer lurking in confusionville. i am worth it. so are you!

Connor has made himself a very nice breakfast sandwich involving grilled sausages. The smoke alarm has NOT gone off either

Agh!! My big pasta bowls are too wide for my new kitchen cupboards. Crisis. OK: I need to sell my new flat and buy another one.

Oh my god – I have just heard a You Tube clip with an interviewer that sounded like a posher and more coherent version of me. Really spooky.

Decided to try a chunk of my own cheek with my apple… not a good mix #DontTryThisAtHome

Watching Thomas The Tank Engine with Joe. He’s a big fan – lots of Thomas stuff for Xmas πŸ˜‰ In keeping I’ve Thomas’s peep as message alert

“You can experience the download, but you can’t download the experience.” @billybragg on music festivals

Whisky Review: Glenfiddich 21 Year old Caribbean Rum Finish, Beautifully Smooth http://tiny.ly/FUxF

You know when you have a mountain to climb and you don’t know where to begin … yeah, that’s me right now.

BBC – the fact that a leading coffee shop chain has rebranded is not news but free advertising

Large numbers of little birds are feeding this morning, up on the last few days!

So tired! Got to be in a meeting in 108 minutes. Got to wash my hair… Have to fly.

I did like that new british sea power album.

I so want our solicitors to refer to Arkell v. Pressdram in a letter πŸ™‚

Anti-Gov spells & curses? Romania declares witchcraft a legally-recognized (& taxable) profession, pisses off witches http://pulsene.ws/EwJ8

Well blow me down and call me Sharon .. I’m actually in when the DHL man calls

damn. have been forcibly migrated to New Twitter again. can we not go back to Old Twitter &, like, lie down in front of bulldozers?

PLEASE put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons.

BREAKING: Every manager in the Premier League has just been sacked except Alex Ferguson, who is now in charge of all clubs.

#lessambitiousoperas The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Flatcap

In Jan 2010 Portugal paid a decent 0.6% interest for borrowing cash over 6 months. In September 2010 it was forced to pay 2%. Today its 3.6%

Watching BBC2’s “The Bear Family and Me”. So far still no shitting in the woods. Shame. I thought it would finally solve that mystery.

A fear culture pervades USA. Fight fear with openness & courage. Secrecy begets disharmony & war. Open, transparent information educates!

An Arsenal fan just proposed to his girlfriend at half-time. When she agreed, chants broke out of “you don’t know what you’re doing”.

I can hear the bellringers practising in the church over my garden wall.

Fuck it, I’m going to the gym. Should kill an hour or two. #nothingtodotoday

Well the day turned out pretty good, all things considered. May I bite my tongue for saying it, but it was good to get back to normality.

Has resisted the urge to buy a lovely new car today… but what will tomorrow bring?! Oh yes.. work! Thank God! No more spending money!!

Just done 1st ever Ocado #bigshop. Free-bottle-of-wine voucher at the end conflicts with my no booze resolution. Insensitive bastards.

The Sax solo on Baler Street was played by Raphael Ravenscroft. #gerryraffertyRIP

I must be a tech nerd–I’m curious what the person who stole my identity & bought $1K of Dell stuff ordered.

Making sandwiches the night before is not quicker and does not remove the temptation to eat them immediately. I’m just sayin’.

Interviewer: “So, David Beckham, what do you think of all these silly transfer stories?”. Beckham: “They’re not transfers, they’re tattoos”.

I also like “Hamburger-related injuries are on the rise in Taiwan” and “Flamingos use make-up”

“I don’t want to survive, I want to live!”

For Sale: New Reusable Salad Planter, & Ideal for Herbs,Strawberries Price: Β£ 5.99 http://ow.ly/3xlrp #Planters,_Tubs_&_Baskets

Cigarette makers. Have you considered those scary pics on the packet are bad for business? How about a nice pair of tits?

It’s 7am, what are you all doing at this time? The Doctor is locked away in his lab studying and the Captain is drinking rum in his cabin.

Saying ‘I’m internet famous’ is akin to saying ‘When I get home from work my dog is super excited to see me’.

2011 has come and is 100% different to any other so far: different country, career industry and state of mind. *good one*

I just said N’sync were better than the Beatles and didn’t lose a follower. On the downside, I think somewhere, a kitten probably died.

Best quotes 2010 “The past is for reference, not residence!”

“The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.” -Augustine

β€œNo man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man”

Rain is cleansing the earth here. Washing away 2010. Each drop silently ushering in new days of 2011

COLTRANE SWEEPSTAKES! I’m in Oxford Street. I haven’t yet been to bed. How long before I collapse? Closest answer wins my organs after death

today is a rare day – no matter where you live, the date 1/1/11 means the same thing to everyone! Happy 2011!

Happy New Year. Soft Cocteau wailing floats through this house, easing the heads of those who need, feeding the smugness of those who don’t.

Anarchism is not a romantic fable but the hardheaded realization, based on five thousand years of experience

Mr wisdom is spanking his mint in the kitchen cause that’s how they roll in the wisdom household

Quite pleased to have contracted tonsilitis……No having to attend any dodgy New Years parties then be the unofficial mini cab driver

Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s greatest evils: people who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.

Dear spammers: it is a breach of faith and a dissolution of honour among thieves that you should put read receipts on your spam.

Just told someone their new baby girl looked affordable. Dammit iPhone – I meant ADORABLE!!!!

Scouse couple on the train “this is ridiculous, massive delays and no seats with 3 empty 1st class carriages” “that’s the tories that is”

Morning world, and congrats to England for retaining #theashes .. Would so love to see cricket depose football as the national sport.

Oh no. Nuclear fall out. My aunt has given me a birthday present, but doesn’t give my sisters one on their birthdays. She’s also said I’m her

favorite. Its not my fault she likes me better… & now my sisters are sulking. Oh well…

Looking at the Millets sale. Clearly, now is the winter of our discount tents.

Oh, Boxing Day morning of immense tiredness, why do you hate me so?

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