Archive for the ‘collisions’ Category

the closing zip

Saturday, March 13th, 2021

Anne just called me on WhatsApp. Answered but it was clearly a misdial. She had just sent me a message. All I heard was the sound of a zip closing – obviously put her phone into her bag.

This is an everyday occurrence somewhere. We have all experienced it. It doesn’t feel like something that might appear in a history book. Even her trip to the shops wouldn’t make the historical record although that to some extent depends on how long google/mobile phone company/the government keeps the data. It wouldn’t be something you could easily access anyway.

Life is full of so many interesting things. Most folk would probably think you were crazy thinking that hearing someone’s bag being zipped up from the inside was interesting. In a thousand year people might look at it differently. “Oo they used to use bags”, or “what’s a zip or a phone?”

It’s a work of art in its own right. You may not think it is but it is. 

“Handbag zip being closed heard from the inside”

There is more. I was the only one who heard this happening. It is a work of art that I have described to you that you need to picture in your own mind.  It’s a virtual work of art. 

I present it to you with no thought of remuneration. Your enjoyment is my reward. Please accept it in the spirit with which it was offered.

Thank you.

weird dream

Sunday, February 28th, 2021

Weird dream about anne at LHR

A fair bit of my grey cell usage recently has been devoted to travel arrangements for next year’s East Coast and Caribbean (maan) trip. The main issue is how to use the BA companion voucher to best effect. The ideal solution would be a direct flight to Tobago from LHR T5 with a first class cabin. This would give us max value for the Avios, a night before in the Sofitel plus use of the Concorde lounge before the flight.

Unfortunately not only do BA now not do a direct flight (did they ever?) as it goes via Antigua but also they don’t operate a First Class cabin. This is a covid casualty I’m sure. The same is true for Trinidad (via Saint Lucia) which is a short 20 mins hop from Tobago and therefore an acceptable alternative. Moreover both flights originate from Gatwick which is very much a poor cousin without the quality of overnight accommodation for the night before.

A BA 4 cabin flight to Barbados out of LHR is an alternative as could be Miami although the latter is less desirable as we are routing through there to the Big Apple and thence Boston on the way home. The other issue is the dearth of reward flight availability. This is likely because there will be a lot of folk like me working from home sat on a load of Avios and desperate to book a trip somewhere.

My strategy is to have an order of flight option preference and begin the process of midnight vigils nearer the time the bookings need to be done which is 355 days before the date of travel. The reward flights are there. They just get snapped up quickly. The late bird gets the reward flight, as the saying goes (yes it does). Truly first world problems.

Now all this is just the preamble to the dream I had last night. I rarely remember dreams but this one was persistent so I did. Anne and I were for some reason at the airport with the kids off to I know not where. Could have been Tobago I guess. The point was we got separated early on and in looking for her I kept finding myself on some obscure high street somewhere having to go back and find the somewhat obscure entrance to the terminal. I did at some point find myself at the door of the 1st class check in and weirdly they handed me a dressing gown on a coat hanger even before check in telling me I’d have to wait. There was no point in staying there without Anne so I went back out to look for her. At some stage I decided to call her but found that I had her phone. Der! The dream ended without conclusion other than when I looked at the departures board to check the gate number (she might have gone to the gate) I saw that the flight was departing two hours earlier than I had thought which could well be a problem. 

No idea.

Caveman hair

It may have been noticed that I have been growing a moustache and beard. Other than a previous attempt during the first lockdown I have never had facial hair. It’s a bit of an art experiment. I quite like the image. Long hair with hippylike stuff on the face. Totally suitable for someone who runs a vintage vw campervan rental business and a festival. The only thing missing is a garland of flowers. I have all the necessary shirts and jackets.

Now facial hair does bring with it practical considerations. First or all some schools of thought consider that you need to occasionally trim it and keep it tidy. This I have never had to do and am unskilled in the art. On this basis it hasn’t been done. The alternative is to just not bother trimming it. However it starts to have an impact when, for example, taking a drink of water. I find that the moustache gets in the way of things entering my mouth. It is not yet long enough to train to the sides.

It made me think about cavemen. They presumably didn’t cut their hair? Did they tie it back in a bun or ponytail? Quite fetching I’d imagine and also practical. What about the moustache though?

Everything is blurred without my glasses

When I got up this morning I sat on the edge of the bed and looked around. I saw a jumbled blurr of shapes. I knew what every shape was but it lacked definition. Think of going through life like this. I was around 10 years old when I got my first pair of specs. Brown plastic HNS jobs. They were a revelation. When I walked out of the shop I saw things I never knew existed. Like signs above the shops! I remember the day as clearly as my vision was improved.

Before the glasses were invented people used to have to live without. Maybe they died young, killed off by the ferocious wild animal they didn’t spot hiding behind the bush or being run over by a horse and cart when crossing the road. 

It’s a good job old Salvino D’Armate and Allesandro della Spina rocked up. What a team. Inventor Sal came up with the idea for specs and monk Al spread the word. Probably helped a lot with bible reading back in the day. Those books were far too heavy to lift closer to your face so that you could read them even though the font was a bit bigger than today’s standard. Latin dingbats script is really difficult to read at the best of times.

Nowadays had the glasses have only recently been invented they would be marketed heavily in embedded Google widgets placed strategically in the wide margins of said Bibles (or Koran etc depending on your brand preference). “Consign Latin dingbats script into history. Free up your inner Arial 10”.

This post was typed unseen using google dictation without wearing eye glasses.

Do you really want to know the direction of your life?

I was listening to the Archbishop of Wales this morning, as one does. He mentioned that before entering the clergy he was a solicitor with his life notionally mapped out in front of him. He made the break. 

It’s probably a lot easier to do this if you have a calling such as the church. I suspect it isn’t quite the same when society pressurises you in a certain direction. Career, progression, ladder, money, more money, mortgage. Notionally it is about long term security.

You can’t really criticise this. You can dislike it. In fact for a lot of people it isn’t about any of the above. It’s about keeping a roof over their head, feeding the kids and having enough money for a TV with sky and netflix.

Life is one big surf party. Waves come along. You have to be able to catch them. Catch the excitement. The thrill of the game. Adrenaline. Difficult I know but you got to do it.

Leisurely sunday brunch

Added some small banana pancakes with maple syrup to breakfast this morning. It’s a winning combo. Chopped chillies with my fried egg, smoked bacon and sausage on the side.

noisy birds

Wednesday, February 24th, 2021

Noisy birds even though at 06.12 it is still dark out.

Just before 9am in the shed I hear the sounds of silence. A creaking heater, a refrigerator and cars on the road at the front. I am waiting for a conference to start.
Slightly annoying that they don’t let you into the room before the start. I’m sat here, waiting, listening to the silence.
The doors have opened. The presenters are really excited. The introducer is German and adds Mr before everyone’s name. He is also reading his talk. Seems to be the standard form for American corporates.
It is Wednesday morning. The midpoint. Halfway. As much of the week behind us as ahead. A finely balanced day. The clock nears the tipping point and the race for the weekend. We tumble headlong towards the rest of our lives. Do not look back.
The new presenter speaks monotone. It is difficult to get excited about cloud containers and hypervisors. In an attempt to liven up the morning I have put on my Alice Band. Even with having to make a slight adjustment it didn’t take up much time. That is good. Time is valuable.
The nuts and bolts of business are quite tedious. How can anyone get excited about nuts and bolts? Or screws. I totally get the corporate days out at the rugby or cricket and the posh dinners in exotic restaurants. The dull grind ensuring the nuts don’t work loose from the bolts?

the curry

Friday, February 12th, 2021

KEY INGREDS – no need to delete if we already have

Boneless mutton or lamb

Ginger paste

Garlic paste

Ground turmeric

Cinamon stick

Coriander seeds

Black peppercorns

Fennel seeds

Clove

Curry leaves

Mustard seeds

Red onions

Deggi mirch chilli powder

Long pepper powder ?

Tinned toms

Coriander leaves

Gunpowder potatoes

As above but also

spuds

Cumin  seeds

Spring onions

Green chillies

Lime juice

Kabab massala (see page 358 🙂

Masala prawns starter

King prawns

Chickpea (gram) flour

Small tomato

Atta chapati flour

alphabetically speaking

Sunday, November 1st, 2020

a eh b be bee c see sea d dee e ee F g gee ghee H i aye eye j jay k kay l el elle m em n en o oh owe p pea pee q cue queue r arr are S t tea tee u you ewe V W x ex y why Wye Z

a eh

b be bee

c see sea 

d dee

e ee 

F

g gee ghee 

H

i aye eye 

j jay 

k kay 

l el elle 

m em 

n en

o oh owe

p pea pee

q cue queue

r arr are

S

t tea tee

u you ewe

x ex

y why Wye

The Lawn

Monday, October 26th, 2020

Autumn

Friday, October 23rd, 2020

A time of change. Turning over an old leaf.

.. ..-. / .-.. .. ..-. . / .– .- … / .— ..- … – / -.. — – … / .- -. -.. / -.. .- … …. . …

Thursday, October 22nd, 2020

.. ..-. / .-.. .. ..-. . / .– .- … / .— ..- … – / -.. — – … / .- -. -.. / -.. .- … …. . … / – …. . / — ..- … .. -.-. / .– — ..- .-.. -.. / … – .. .-.. .-.. / … — ..- -. -.. / – …. . / … .- — . .-.-.- – …. . / .–. .. .- -. — / .– — ..- .-.. -.. / … – .. .-.. .-.. / -.. .- -. -.-. . .-.-.- / — -.– / …. . .- -.. / .– — ..- .-.. -.. / … – .. .-.. .-.. / ..-. .-.. — .- – / .-. .- -. -.. — — .-.. -.– / .- -. -.. / — -.– / -.- -. . . / … – .. .-.. .-.. / – .- .–. / — ..- – / – …. . / -… . .- – .-.-.-

random shopping list

Sunday, January 19th, 2020

Idea – random shopping list button. You have your usual list stored with the relevant shop but also a random button that selects something you don’t find out about until the shopping is delivered.

In the beginning everything lay ahead

Sunday, January 12th, 2020

The End

the clock that ticks

Saturday, November 30th, 2019

It’s 4.30am. Downstairs in the front room I hear a clock ticking. I did not know we had such a mechanical device. There must be a battery involved as clock winding does not form part of our daily routine. The clock has been identified. This must be a device new to the house or why have I never noticed it before? We have no real need for this timepiece. There is always a computer of some sort near to hand with a highly accurate representation of the time. There must be a decorative element to the horological deployment, an aspect upon which I feel largely unqualified to comment. The responsibility of a different department. At this time of day the ticking, soft and barely audible though it may be, represents an unnecessary intrusion competing with the sound of passing cars outside.

The allegorical nature of the ticking clock is also unwanted at this time. 

The sound of the traffic reminds me that we live in an urban environment. With the curtains drawn it should be possible to imagine I am sat in a remote cottage. Outside it is pitch black and devoid of sound other than the wind and rain beating on the window pane. All sensible life forms have their own curtains drawn to the outside world. Heads down. This is not the case where I am sat.

still life

Saturday, November 30th, 2019

apples, pears, a bit of melon, a blue and orange vase with yellow flowers

Easter Sunday musings

Sunday, April 21st, 2019

Listening to religious news programme on radio 4. It is Easter so everything is more intense. This is after the recent fire at Notre dame and now a terrorist attack on a church in Sri Lanka. There was also a piece on a monkey God called lord someone or other.

The intensity of the conversation seems to me to exacerbate the strangeness of the whole concept of religion, in particular the organised variety. I get people wanting to know how they got here but the structured way of worshipping a “god” seems very artificial.

wheaten void

Saturday, March 16th, 2019

We have no bread. The loaf has been consumed. The last slice was surgically removed this morning and toasted along with the crust. Its purpose was served. A short, fulfilled life devoted to keeping hunger at bay. Nourishment its finest purpose and measure of its success. Now gone it has left a void…

The forager

Saturday, February 2nd, 2019

One who searches widely over an area in order to obtain something, especially food or provisions.”

This morning I went foraging.

The method:

Settle on a menu for tomorrow’s dinner. Check out what you have in the fridge/cupboard and make note of missing ingredients.

Express your intention is to forage for the requisite foodstuffs. Head to Waitrose with hessian bag.

Patrol aisles occasionally picking up produce and placing in bag. Fill bag.

Exchange money for goods and take home free coffee for life partner.

Footnote

This will typically work for any menu, exotica aside. The ingredients have to be available in quality supermarkets near you. There are alternative versions involving multiple sources and locations but I am not covering those scenarios in this post. Stick with mainstream cuisines and you will be safe.

Enjoy foraging…