the art gallery


A roped off area of exhibit space is empty except for an extremely sharp knife…


The Lawnmower

In prehistoric times if it was done at all it is likely that the function of the lawnmower was performed by the use of sheep and other animals to keep the grass down.

The concept of having a lawn as a largely decorative part of one’s garden is almost certainly an idea born out of civilisation. This set of ideas explores the history of the lawnmower and looks at it’s position in and effect on society during the period of its existence.

It is easy to see the lawnmower as both a work of art and a tool, paintbrush if you like, that can be used to create art. In this section both aspects are looked at.

The clippings of a lawnmower can be used to create compost that will then be fed back into the soil to encourage further growth. This cycle can be looked at simplistically or in a manner that provokes wider thought.

The simple view is just the breakdown of the process of cutting the grass, making the compost and feeding it back into the soil.

A more complex approach might be to use the process to look at much deeper subjects such as the whole existence of life.

On the way we can see that the grass cuttings, laid down over millennia, could stratify into layers of rock that illustrate the lasting effect and influence of the lawnmower.

In this we explore the religious aspects of lawnmowers from being simple mechanical objects used to religiously mow the lawn every Sunday afternoon to iconic symbols representing a higher order of things (aka the cross) through to the lawnmower itself being a god.

A simple look back at the good old days of the lawnmower.

The lawnmower has evolved from being a simple mechanical cutting tool to a sophisticated electromechanical machine that embodies many advancements in the science of mankind. This extensive section looks into all the technical aspects of a lawnmower.

There are many facets to the lawnmower as a sophisticate from the use of expensive high end lawnmowers to mow the lawns of the wealthy to the highly developed and sophisticated brain that we might attribute to a “lawnmower about town”.

A down to earth piece about the usefulness of the lawnmower.

Redundancy and Obsolescence
The coming of artificial grass possibly sounds the death knell for the lawnmower. We discuss a scenario that postulates the end of the lawnmower era.

I’m just crazy about lawnmowers. I collect them, I lovingly maintain them, I defend them from critics in the same way that I would defend my sixteen year old daughter from the attentions of the young lothario.

Their blades rip, cut and destroy all living things in their path leaving behind a trail of death. Is there beauty in this violence? Is it pure malevolence?

It all wells up in me when I look at my lawnmower. Lets find out why.

Does a lawnmower have a sense of duty? After all, aside from the occasional difficulty getting it started it rarely complains when asked to do a task.

Roll up ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the lawnmower.

Influence of
The lawnmower has influenced many great inventors and artistic geniuses. Lets look at how.

It is also now an offence to be found driving under the influence of a lawnmower. Lets see why.

chinks poems

9th September 1958

9th September was a big day
In 1958
There she was
Renee, her right
on her big day.
There stood Keith,
But excited
Craning to see
If his bride to be
had arrived.
Music, vicar, I do’s, kisses
More music,
Laughter, expectation
Sherry, lemonade, beer, wine
No more rationing
Boots filled speeches
Tin cans, horeshoes
Glow, hope, expectation.

9th September 2008
50 years on
Taxi on time
Posh hotel
Posh nosh
3 kids, 6 grandchildren
Their mark imprinted
Sherry, lemonade, beer, wine
Speeches, more reminiscences
Absent friends, achievements
Glow, home, satisfaction.

poems for children

The Flower


delicate yet deceptively strong.

Wind and rain can blow and batter

yet, still, when the warmth of the sun pours out,

we are rewarded with  beauty.

poems for children

John is partial to his sport

John is partial to his sport
He can play most any sort,
Give him a bat and give him a ball
He’ll have a go at them all.

Johnny’s keen on football,
The best centre forward yet,
He runs ahead and scores the goals
Without his breaking sweat.

At playing cricket he excels
And bowls a steady line,
Then when he’s batting whacks the ball
For sixes every time.

Golfing’s great when John’s around
He hits it down the middle,
He always gets a hole in one
With hardly any trouble.

Swimming up and down he does
Before he goes to school,
He ploughs the lanes with a fast front crawl
In the town swimming pool.

At badminton his record is
Eighty three with Tom,
And if he keeps on practising
It will be 100 before long.

He paddles here he paddles there
When kayaking with his brothers,
Eskimo rolls and a big seal launch
Whilst splashing one another.

Basketball? – he’s not very tall
So he hasn’t played this yet,
But when he grows a foot or two
He’ll find that high up net.

At rugby he’s a fast scrum half
And scores before you know it,
He is the best but it must be said
That tennis is his favourite.

He’s ace at serving, volleys hard
His back hand is great to see,
But his forehand topspin beats the lot
If you were asking me.

When it’s raining hard outside
At snooker he’s quite able,
Then he likes to play ping pong
Upon the kitchen table.

John is partial to his sport
He can play most any sort,
Give him a bat and give him a ball
He’ll have a go at them all.

poems for children


Lilly’s such a silly billy
Likes to dance and play the fool
People think she’s a bit crazy
But not me I think she’s cool.

This is only a short poem
Because Lilly’s not so tall
But it’s only fair to mention
She’s only six, that’s why she’s small.

Her mummy tells me she is mad
I think that’s a great thing to be
If she wasn’t I’d be sad
She really means a lot to me.

Cos mad mad mad mad mad mad mad
Makes her popular at school
People think she’s a bit crazy
But not me I think she’s cool.

poems for children

Cheese – a poem for Stella

There are lots of different kinds of cheeses
Some with holes and some, which when you smell ‘em
blows your socks off to your kneeses
filling your head with lots of sneezes.

Not all cheese is holy,
except when eaten by a vicar
or an Archbishop of Canterbury.

Not all cheese is smelly
Unless left in the fridge too long
In which case it’ll start to pong.

Some cheese is blue, its true
The choice is yours
It’s down to you.

If you prefer orange or red or green
This type of cheese is often seen
Upon the supermarket shelf
And if eaten in moderation
Is said to be quite good for your elf.

Spreadable, dunkable, toastable cheese
Is sometimes all it takes to please
A yatchsman sailing on high seas.

But best of all is good old cheddar
A taste I learnt of from another
Who said it originates from a cow
I found it difficult to believe how,
When it clearly comes in a plastic cover
Bought in Tesco by my mother.

poems for children

Bears don’t sit on chairs – a poem for Megsy on her birthday

Bears don’t sit on chairs,
You see their bottoms are too hairy
And they’re really very heavy
So they don’t find perching easy.
When they come in from the woods
With their paws all wet with honey –
A chair can get quite sticky
And their mothers do get fussy
Because it makes the cushions smelly.
So when they watch the telly
They’re made to sit upon the floor
On a rug
Which is difficult to break
Unlike the chair
And they’re not allowed a drink
Because a spill could cause a stink
Which again their mums don’t like – I think..
Bears don’t sit on chairs.