where art collides philosoperontap

April 28, 2013

The perfect bacon sandwich

Filed under: fusion,the art gallery — Tags: , , , , — Trefor Davies @ 9:23 am

bacon sandwich – food of the gods

Food seems to be a theme of the moment. This time we are featuring the humble bacon sandwich.  I say humble but really the bacon sandwich is royalty in the culinary world on a par with the finest dishes served by the best chefs in their Michelin starred palaces.

There are many ways of serving the bacon sandwich. Individuals will have their own views as to the best way and who is to say they aren’t all right. This is a highly subjective matter.

In the analysis that follows the various variables for each aspect of the making of a bacon sandwich are discussed and my own preferred recipe is offered as a benchmark. Rank others in comparison, better or worse, as you see fit.

The bacon

The choice of bacon is of fundamental importance. In the first instance any bacon that comes in a package labelled BOGOF should be avoided at all cost. This will be cheap water filled rubbish. The slices will be so thin you will be able to see through them and when cooking  the bacon will emit a yukky white substance that apparently is part of the preservative injected into the meat during processing. The water will steam the bacon and you will find it very difficult to get the right “finish”.

Reality is it is difficult to find any bacon that doesn’t have the white stuff in it. Experimentation will allow you to identify the brand that suits you best.  Look for the words “dry cure” and “thick cut”. Your are most likely to find the best bacon at a real butchers and not in a supermarket. You have been warned.

There is a valid debate on whether to use back bacon or streaky. Streaky is undoubtedly more flavoursome due to its having more fat but back does tend to provide a meatier filling. The American habit of over-frying streaky is usually to be avoided and American bacon tends to be too salty.

The bread

The best bread to use for a bacon sandwich is undoubtedly crusty white unsliced. You can use pre-sliced crusty white but the uniformity of the slice doesn’t quite feel right. Self-slicing produces a variation in cut that suits the rustic nature of this sandwich and makes for a different culinary experience at each meal1.

The mass produced sliced white bread that comes with brand names advertised on television is not appropriate for a bacon sandwich unless you are a guest at someone’s house and your host is providing the breakfast. One assumes in this instance that a considerable amount of beer was downed the night before and you are pretty grateful for anything that staves off the after-effects of the evening.

Under no circumstances should brown bread be used and if rolls are the only option the posher they are the better.

The debate over toasting has raged long and hard. Toasting the bread for your bacon sandwich is perfectly acceptable though it is a shame to do this if the bread is really fresh. Toasting crusty white bread more than two days old is the preferred method for this age of bread.

The bread/toast should be buttered. Margarine doesn’t cut it. Some people are known to prefer no butter. Whilst this is acceptable it should be understood that a bacon sandwich made without butter is never going to reach perfection.

Grilling versus frying

This is a bit of a no brainer really. Frying always produces the best flavour in a bacon sandwich. Grilling shrinks the meat more. Lard is the best option for oil although it is recognised that the use of lard is controversial to the point of unacceptability in the modern health conscious society. Cooking oil is an acceptable alternative and need not be applied in large quantities. The fats from the meat will soon seep into the pan and provide the ideal base for frying. If cheapo bacon is being used then grilling will at least allow the water and white rubbish to drip off but you should take care to at least double the number of slices you were planning to use per person.

A minimum of two slices of bacon should normally be used but three or more are acceptable. Ideally the bacon once fried will have some crispy fat bits and some darker brown areas on the meat itself.

Unlike sausages which benefit from slow cooking, for best effect bacon should be cooked on a highish heat. We are looking for the right combination of softness and crispness and a slow cook will tend to err towards the soft side.

Seasoning

By seasoning I mean red sauce/brown sauce/no sauce. This is entirely a personal choice. The purist will almost certainly opt for “naked” but I am a brown sauce man. HP only. You can tell the difference. Tomato ketchup should be reserved for burgers and hot dogs.

Variety

It is perfectly respectable to experiment with different varieties to accompany the basic bacon filling. Mushrooms (fried) tomatoes (fried or uncooked – as you like) or even lettuce and tomato for the classic BLT are fine with added mayo. Bacon and lettuce without the tomato is a bit weird and should probably be avoided. Other filling combinations may be possible but are straying well away from the pure form. For example bacon and egg sandwiches should better be described as a “breakfast sandwich”.

Vegetarian bacon sandwiches

Nah!

Other bacon sandwich stories

In my experience the bacon sandwich is the one meat dish that is likely to convert vegetarians back to being carnivores (or omnivores/woteva) and I often use this as an icebreaker with people I have never met before but who are introduced to me as vegetarians – maybe at dinner. I tried this recently with a woman and she totally blanked me saying that it was never a problem. Set the tone for the whole evening. I found out weeks later that she was Jewish! Ah well!!  A vegetarian friend told me that this conversation piece was as old as the hills and very boring. Ah well!!! Won’t stop me using it though…

Conclusion

So there you have it. The perfect bacon sandwich uses decent dry cured thick cut back bacon, probably sourced from a local butcher and fried. The bread needs to be fresh self sliced crusty white. The bread may be toasted if a couple of days old. The bread should be buttered and contain sensible amounts of HP sauce.

Serve with a fresh pot of tea and a glass of milk.

Bacon sandwich making displays are available to hire – perfect for that morning after situation. Please contact Philosopherontap for details.

1 I am careful to use the word meal here as opposed to breakfast. Whilst the bacon sandwich is classically served at breakfast there is no convention that suggests its eating at other mealtimes to be inappropriate.

April 27, 2013

Lincoln A2Z S12 sewage works

Filed under: A 2 Z — Tags: , , , , — Trefor Davies @ 4:32 pm

What is there to say about a sewage works? Not much. Horrible smelly places I imagine though I’m not speaking with any authority. Mine is merely a biased view built on ignorance and a willingness to make judgement without any real evidence.

I haven’t even been to this sewage works though I have driven past. It’s not the sort of place you stop at to take a closer look. A necessary evil and not something to dwell upon. Yuk.

After all we all know what sort of stuff gets processed at these places. I’m not going to elaborate. Your imagination is already running into overdrive though if I were you I’d move on mentally as I did in the car.

People must work at these places. Hey, a job’s a job. I wonder whether they leave the house in a suit in the morning, kissing their wives who hand them a briefcase containing their packed lunch. When they get to the office, the sewage treatment plant, they change into a boiler suit with helmet and rubber gloves. They don’t tell the wife. Probably say they work for the council or at a solicitors’. After all what girl would want to be at a coffee morning with her pals and chat about what hubby was going to be doing today when hubby was cleaning gooey blockages from the feeder pipes.

At night on the way home they do the same in reverse. Probably make up some story about someone at the office. “Old Reg he’s a real card you know”. Funny how they never have a Christmas do with wives invited at this solicitors. Every other solicitors’ does. What was the name of the firm again?

I once went on a sewer tour in London. Wouldn’t want to do it again. I was wearing double rubber protection all over. When climbing down the ladder to the sewer my nose developed an itch and I scratched it with my gloved hand. At that moment I realised what I had done. The ladder was wet with sewer “water”. Nightmare.

It would not be fair of me to leave S12 without finding something nice to say about the plot. After all sewage works do perform a useful public service and the circles that appear on the map are actually quite artistic. That’s it though.

S12, sewage works, yuk.

The banana death roll

Filed under: the art gallery — Tags: , , — Trefor Davies @ 3:27 pm

Rare photograph of bananas just before death. The sight was too gruesome for video – the screams raise the hairs on the back of the neck.

This is not an instant death. The bananas suffer terribly as the black death gradually makes its way around their yellow skins, eventually eating into their emaciated flesh. The pungent sweet smell can be overpowering.

As decay sets in the writhing of the bananas gradually subsides and one by one they give up the fight. Their long journey from fair trade plantation to plate is over and in the case of the bananas in this photograph completely unsuccessful. Bananas thrive on being eaten. Served with custard or cream and strawberries they achieve the height of banana ambition and move on to banana heaven.

The plight of our bananas is heartbreaking. Wasted lives destined for the ignominy of the compost heap. The banana is dead, bring on another bunch of bananas.

Postscript

This post was made possible due to the bravery of the small production team that spent months patiently waiting for bananas brought back from the supermarket to not be eaten and for the conditions therefore to be right to catch them in their death roll. With this particular bunch on more than one occasion they were approached and consideration given to their consumption. As time went by their chances of being eaten grew less and less until it became clear that it wasn’t going to happen. At this point the crew moved in to get a closer view of the final death roll and the result is the impressive shot in the featured image of this post.

“The banana death roll” is available for hire at galleries anywhere in the world. Please contact Philosopherontap for more details.

Lincoln A2Z Bb2 The Joiners Arms

Filed under: A 2 Z — Tags: , , , — Trefor Davies @ 3:07 pm

I’ve only ever been to the Joiners Arms the once but that was only a couple of weeks ago and you can be sure that I’ll be going again. I was late home on a Friday night having been to Derbyshire to drop the kids off on their Duke of Edinburgh Silver Award expedition. It’s not my idea of a good time, driving to Derbyshire and back on a Friday evening!

I didn’t get to the pub until 8.45. That’s unusual for me on a Friday night. I normally like to get a few in early doors and then get home for dinner with Anne at a sensible time. On this occasion it was too late for dinner so I called the boys to see if they were still around. They were, at the Joiners Arms.

The Joiners Arms is on Victoria Street, near the copshop on West Parade in Lincoln. You will have probably seen the Burton Arms without noticing the Joiners Arms further up the street on the left.

I’ve got to tell you it’s a gem. When I got there the boys were playing killer on the pool table. Miss three pots and you’re out. Pound in winner takes all. They had been drinking since five o’clock so the party was in full swing by the time I got there. I had half an hour before picking up my takeaway from the Newport Arms Chinese Restaurant up the hill so I nursed a pint but still had a good chat.

The thing about the Joiners Arms is that it is a simple proper pub. No pretensions. There is a wide selection of real ales behind the bar at very reasonable prices. There was no juke box, just a CD player which people used to play their CDs of choice.

The game of killer eventually finished, someone loudly took his winnings and the boys began to move on to the Tap And Spile down the road. I set off for my takeaway and home. The Joiners Arms deserves success. I shall return.

A study in toast and marmalade

Filed under: the art gallery — Tags: , — Trefor Davies @ 9:03 am

Toast and marmalade made in the kitchen.

This is the same kitchen used by the artist for his still life studies as characterised by “Painted chair in early morning light” in which you can see the black marble effect worktop that forms the backdrop for “toast and marmalade”.

The relatively thin slices of bread used in the making of the toast reflect the fact that the global recession was still ongoing. On the other hand the copious amount of butter applied to the toast appear to show that artist Davies is himself in denial of this fact, at least at the time the pixels were captured.

Of some considerable interest to afficionados of fruit preservation will be that the marmalade is of the bitter Seville orange variety and was made by Davies. The outcome offers the palate a perfect bitter sweet experience and with several large jars remaining will be consumed at breakfast for some years to come.

The spoon shown on the plate was used to scoop the marmalade from its kilner jar and the knife used to spread both butter and marmalade unevenly across the toast.

One final comment is that this study was clearly an afterthought as someone, presumably the artist himself, has already taken a bite out of one of the slices of toast. This would not have originally formed part of the planned composition of the scene thought it in no way minimises the quality of the final outcome.

Live performances of “A study in toast and marmalade” can be made available for a fee – apply through Philosopherontap. Early enquiries are encouraged as once the original marmalade stocks are consumed a replacement variety will have to be used. This first original platter is no longer available for live display.

April 26, 2013

The many headed hydra of Covent Garden

Filed under: ideas,the art gallery — Tags: , — Trefor Davies @ 6:18 pm

Visitors should take care when exploring the side alleys in the centre of our capital city for there lurk scary beasts and ghastly ghouls that at the merest glance will turn your hair white and wipe your memory clean with their horrible mantle of fear.

This photo, taken down such a side street, is a rare shot of the many headed hydra of Covent Garden. It was good fortune that we came across the monster in its static state for when roused its sharp prongs are known to mutilate and maim and in its full openly angry state its widespread tentacles can poke your eye out in a manner most discomforting to the person of elevated disposition.

Beware, beware the streets of entrapment; for the unwary the end is certain. The horrible, horrible many headed hydra of Covent Garden will draw you in. Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…

April 25, 2013

Painted chair in early morning light

Filed under: the art gallery — Tags: , , — Trefor Davies @ 6:41 am

Chair in period cream painted by the artist’s wife using a pot of paint randomly acquired by the children some years ago. The tin of paint was in a cardboard box outside someone’s house and labelled “free to a good home”.

There is plenty of interest in this scene and the slightly off centre position of what is notionally the centrepiece lays down a gauntlet to traditionalists.

The tap spout in the sink by the window points away from the chair suggesting a friction between the establishment and the new order.

The presence of many fridge magnets represents attempts by the artist to spread his ideas widely to numerous places frequented by large numbers of people during summer months.

The paint stained copy of the Bailgate Independent on the table contains an editorial piece on the launch of philosopherontap.com Book1, The Abandoned Sandy Shoe and Other Chinks in the Curtains of Life.

Original signed prints of this work can be obtained by contacting tref via the philosopherontap site.

April 21, 2013

Leaflets, leaflets, get yer leaflets ere

Filed under: chinks — Trefor Davies @ 11:12 am

Went out delivering leaflets for the book launch yesterday. Couple of hours of so starting down the right hand side of Lee Road then wending my way round the houses until I finished up at the Burton Road Chippy where Lesley very kindly treated me to an ice filled glass of Diet Coke.

My leaflet delivering methods are not very scientific. If I didn’t feel like delivering to a particular house I didn’t.  This would be the case, for example, if the gate was closed and it was a long walk to the front door in front of plate glass windows.

I wasn’t bothered about getting every house. I didn’t have enough leaflets for the whole of Lincoln anyway and as long as I got some out there I was happy. I only delivered to one side of Lee Road. Having to cross back and forth would not have been efficient.

Delivering the leaflets was a bit of a learning experience. It made me sympathise with postmen. Putting your letterbox at ankle height is most unfriendly. Also not all letterboxes are easy to get things through, especially those with brushes designed to keep out draughts. Trying to shove a leaflet through the letterbox of a terrace house when you know that there is someone sitting in the room just the other side of the door calls for mental strength, resolution, especially when you know they haven’t asked for the leaflet.

Quite a number of letterboxes had notes taped to them asking people not to deliver things. These ranged from “no free newspapers” to a whole list of proscribed items: “no junk mail, no menus, no charity bags, no canvassers”. My leaflet was of course a beautifully designed piece of art that no one could ever describe as junk mail but I let that house go. They didn’t seem to be the sort of people who would want to come to the book launch anyway.

I came across the occasional dog. At one house a ferocious Alsation tore the leaflet to shreds the moment I put it through the door. Wondered what the owners did to get readable mail. Maybe no one sends them letters anyway.

The terrace houses between Newport and Burton Road were conveniently close together for effective leaflet distribution. Unfortunately for the residents this was known to the local takeaway restaurants who must make a habit of spamming the area. One house specifically requested no takeaway menus.

After a couple of hours I ended up with Lesley and unfortunately the break took away my enthusiasm to deliver any more. It didn’t matter. As I said I didn’t have a specific target. Popped in to Clearview Opticians to order some more contact lenses from Annabel and set off for home.

Outside the Coop I bumped in to Andrew Walton from the office who put the idea of beer in my head. I was already  going to the rugby club for the afternoon to wath the last ever home game of Lincoln RFC at the Lindum ground. They are moving to Nettleham next season. On that basis I figured a beer at the Strugglers would be fine so I popped in there for a pint of Landlord. I also popped into the Morning Star for another so it took me a little while to get home but I figured I deserved it.

I reckon I still have around 400 leaflets left to get rid of which may or may not happen. That’s OK.  The counter on philosopherontap.com shows there are 17 days to go and I’m pretty confident of getting a good turn out for the launch.

That’s enough of an update. Ciao.

French national anthem a la philosopherontap

Filed under: fusion,music,Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Trefor Davies @ 10:12 am

Na na na naa naa naa naa naaa na na

Na naa na naa naa, naa na naaa

Na na na naa naa naa naa naaa na na

Na naa na naa naa, naa na naaa

Na na naa naa naa naa na naa naaa

Na na naa naa naa naa na naaa

Naa naaa na na na naaa

Naa naaa na na na naaa

Naa naa, naa naa, naa na na naa

Naa naa nan a na naaa.

 

Vive la republique!

 

Alternative French national anthem sung whilst on rugby tour to France

Na na na naa naa naa naa naaa na na

Na naa na naa naa, naa na naaa

Na na na naa naa naa naa naaa na na

Na naa na naa naa, naa na naaa

Na na naa naa naa naa na naa naaa

Na na naa naa naa naa na naaa

Ou est le papier?

Ou est le papier?

Naa naaa na na na naaa

Naa naa, naa naa, naa na na naa

Ou est le papier?

 

Quinze bierre encore sil vous plait

April 18, 2013

The vending machine

Filed under: collisions — Tags: , — Trefor Davies @ 8:25 pm

This is the vending machine. The ultimate collision of science and art.  But no ordinary vending machine this. It’s bottle retrieval and dispensing mechanism is a joy to behold. People have been known to spend their entire life’s savings on fizzy pop from this machine just to be able to watch it in action, over and over again. It’s the pinnacle of art, a work so mesmerising as to be addictive. The E number filled rubbish it dispenses contrasts uncomfortably with its mechanical functional elegance, beauty.  It is at once a chink, a collision, poetry in motion, thought stimulant, a travelogue and indeed if the video is set to repeat, a representation of the Third Law. It is both disturbing and fulfilling.

At this point there is nothing further to say. Please watch the video.

This video was filmed at Hamburg’s Miniatur Wunderland, the world’s biggest model railway.

duck eggs in Lincoln market

Filed under: thoughts — Tags: , , , — Trefor Davies @ 5:59 pm

Quite appropriate that they sell duck eggs in Lincoln market intit duck?

I have never, to my knowledge, eaten a duck egg.

Duck eggs are larger than those of chickens but not as big as an ostrich egg. It is logical that it should take fewer duck eggs to make an omlette.

According to Wikipedia eggs are laid by females of many different species, including birds, reptiles, amphibians, and fish.

Ducks can fly though that has nothing whatsoever to do with their eggs. I am not aware of a duck ever having to lay an egg in mid flight, perhaps to jettison some weight and regain altitude. Should such an eventuality ever occur then it could prove awkward for anyone under the flight path.

A duck egg is more likely to equate to the “free range” egg in the chicken world as they are not typically battery farmed1.

My favourite Chinese dish is crispy duck. There used to be a restaurant in Lincoln called Seelys that I particularly liked and  they used to serve duck breast in ginger sauce. Yum.

Duck down is used in continental quilts, pillows and high end sleeping bags.

The classic word used to represent duck “speak” is “quack”.

I like ducks.

The term  duck is used to represent the act of lowering one’s head to avoid being hit by an object, fixed or in motion.

Donald Duck is a Disney cartoon character. Daffy Duck on the other hand is by Warner Brothers. I prefer Daffy to Donald, sorry.

The term Donald Duck is sometimes used in Cockney rhyming slang, or at least it feels as if it should be.

There are many different types of duck. Ducks like water.

1 this is pure speculation mind you and not based on any real knowledge of the duck “manufacturing” industry.

April 17, 2013

juice-shot by KLM

Filed under: ideas,short stories,the art gallery — Tags: , , — Trefor Davies @ 9:17 pm

Ration pack issued by KLM in case the plane has to make a forced landing in the North Sea en route from Humberside Airport to Amsterdam. There are a number of scenarios when this happens.

Scenario #1

Plane lands in sea and breaks up and sinks without trace or at least long enough and deep enough to drown all the passengers before they have a chance to put on their lifejackets and slide down the emergency escape chutes which haven’t deployed in any case.

Result: Unless the passengers in question have managed to consume the rations on their way down, which does seem unlikely, the said rations remain uneaten due to the untimely demise of all concerned.

Scenario #2

Plane lands in sea but doesn’t break up. Passengers either remain on board, benefiting from the buoyant nature of the airframe or exit down the chutes and then stay afloat by treating the chutes as life rafts.

Result: Passengers scoff the snack and the drink and are probably rescued in reasonable time because it is a major air disaster and every ship in the North Sea will divert to the crash location. Some passengers may die as a result of not securing a place on the life raft but worse things happen at sea these things happen.

Scenario #3

Plane has drifted way off course and is not actually over the North Sea. Fortunately the captain has managed to find his way to a remote desert island and brings the plane down safely in the water close enough to land for the passengers to all wade ashore. Those in business class make their way to one end of the beach where they establish their own little enclave complete with business class rations that include nice little salt and pepper sets though still only plastic cutlery due to safety concerns following 9/11. The captain joins the business class passengers, ostensibly as part of the service but in reality because given the choice between their food and the c&@p dished out to everybody else he opts to look after himself. The rest of us are allowed to wander off aimlessly to look after ourselves and find shelter wherever we can off the beach.

Rations of both classes of passenger are soon consumed including those in business class and despite the reality that their food too was not particularly edible.

Result: The rest of this story follows a number of possible well trodden paths that include massacre of all concerned by the cannibal tribes of the area, slaughter of most of the survivors by internecine war or the kicking in of a survival instinct along the lines of Swiss Family Robinson whereby everyone works as a team and builds a cosy shelter from the elements that serves as home until they are all rescued by a freighter that was also well of course and was putting in at the island to refill its water tanks.

Scenario #4

There is no scenario #4. That’s it…

PS the pen is superfluous to the story. It just happened to be in the photo.

brass coathooks

Filed under: ideas,thoughts — Tags: , — Trefor Davies @ 6:15 pm

We’ve all heard the saying “freeze the balls off a brass monkey”. Well in Germany they don’t have that saying. They say “it’s cold enough for you not to want to hang your coat on the brass coathook but keep wearing it instead”.

Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it but who are we to say eh? The brass coat hook displayed in the featured image of this post is one of a pair spotted hidden discretely behind a screen in the corner of a room at the Haus der Patriotischen Gesellschaft  in Hamburg.

That’s Hamburg, Germany, not Hamburg, USA where confusingly there appears to be more than one.  Clearly in the olden days where immigration from Germany to the USA was at its peak and the wild west was filled  adventurers of  Hanseatic origin the communications systems were not good enough for people to tell their fellow immigrants that, for the purposes of avoiding duplication,  they had already named one bit of prairie Hamburg.

Now you know. Don’t worry though, spring has finally arrived, I think. Just remember ne’er cast a clout until May is out, or whatever they say in Hamburg.

Ciao baby.

April 16, 2013

Sign of the times

Filed under: fusion,the art gallery — Trefor Davies @ 10:16 pm

speaks for itself. sign of the times – a bus stop in Hamburg.

Empty orange glass on a light wood laminated background

Filed under: the art gallery — Trefor Davies @ 3:49 pm

An empty glass that previously contained orange juice on a light wood background taken by the artist whilst waiting for a plane at Hamburg airport.

Lighting was not ideal for photography and it may be seen that there is a yellowish glare on the table in front of the glass. The presence of a shadow is also an illustration that lights were used although the non-symmetrical effect does nothing to detract from the overall effect and value of the piece.

Clicking on the image will produce a larger that will permit closer examination of the imagery on the glass.

Davies took this picture on his way home from a technical forum he had attended in Hamburg. It may be seen as a classic case study of the unglamorous nature of what is often perceived to be a jet setting lifestyle.

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