3rd law part 9 – gobbles, gold top and the IOM southern agricultural show

February 19th, 2011

It’s raining on the roof of the world. Well on the roof of my conservatory at least. I can hear it and I can see it. Being a bespectacled person I can also often provide advanced warning of the imminence of such precipitation. It only takes a drop or two. There is probably a scientific formula that states the necessary rainfall density (drops per square metre) required for this early warning mechanism to work and likely includes the value of the surface area of the specs (glasses – not specifications – use of the latter word would not have made contextual sense in this sentence). Today I am sitting inside the conservatory so talk of an early warning system is immaterial.

I have just come back from town. A trip down town is never countenanced lightly but on this occasion I had to buy Joe a pair of trousers before we go on holiday. The task was made harder by the fact that he was not there with me and I had instead his little brother John in tow. Anyway I came away with some trousers and bribed some peace off John by taking him to Cafe Nero.

I am not the biggest fan of sitting in coffee shops. I think people do it for the sake of it. This time was different. We had good window seats and my phone was out of order so I had to talk to my son! It was great.

We sat there looking out of the window. The biggest question was who was in the goldfish bowl? Was it us sat inside or was it all the other people scurrying along under their umbrellas or huddled overcoats. We were the smaller box but there again when you go and visit an aquarium you sometimes go through a small space under a tank and look at the sharks and fish swimming around you.

The right answer is in the mind of the questioner. There is no right answer and all answers are right, without question 🙂  Just put that bit in as an afterthought and the smiley face indicates that I was quite pleased with myself. That is something completely within my control in this case. I could have chosen a different emotion. Exhibited surprise perhaps or even nonchalance. It isn’t beyond the realms of the imagination to see how one might say that sentence again in a nonchalant manner, twirling a stick as I go along. I don’t know how to do a nonchalant emoticon btw.

Anne’s cousin bought me a walking stick for my 40th birthday once. Ok ok I know I don’t sound as if I am forty. In fact I’m not. That was nearly ten years ago. Can’t believe it! I’m still a kid. Who but an immature adolescent boy could write such drivel anyway? Huh.

It’s not the warmest of rooms today, is the conservatory. Warmer than outside maybe but really merits a thicker sweater than I am currently wearing. I’m actually wearing an Animal hoodie, quite consistent with being an adolescent. My mum bought it for me last summer – there’s a general thread of consistency running right through this bit of writing don’t you think?

Well we can kill that one off straight away.

You don’t see much gold top milk in the shops these days. It’s mostly just full fat, semi-skimmed and skimmed. I’ve never quite seen the point of skimmed milk. It’s just coloured water if you ask me. Also once weaned off full fat, which is of course normal milk, and on to semi skimmed it is difficult to go back and the idea of drinking the ordinary stuff let alone gold top. There again, you never see it any more…

This leads nicely to the fact that I have just taken delivery of hte February issue of Agri-News, published for Manx farmers by the Department of Environment, Food and Agriculture. The kids signed me up for it when we were at the Southern Agricultural Show outside Castletown one summer holiday. We go there every year – the Isle of Man not the Agricultural Show. Not that I mind going to such shows. In fact I very much like em.

Its good to keep in touch with our farming roots. My lot were farmers if you go back far enough. These days the Davies family is in the internet business. Wasn’t much of it around way back when. In fact you don’t have to go back very far for there not ot have been internet. Its one of the reasons that the third law is not yet widely known, although I have never met anyone that either disagrees with the hypothesis (theory?) or has been able to disprove it.

I’m not sure whether either hypothesis or theory were the correct words (and there was no real reason for the word “theory” to be in brackets either) but you know what? It just doesn’t matter. Not a jot or an inch or a gobble or a quack. Note the mixing of terms of measurement there. The latter two were not even that but they instantly came to mind – from the song “If I were a rich man” AND NOT EVEN IN THE RIGHT ORDER. Caps accidentally switched on there but I couldn’t be bothered to undo them.

I once recorded the first verse of If I were a rich man on our answer phone – me playing the guitar. At the end of the song I just said “please leave a message”. I found later this was a mistake. I was away on business in the Soviet Union and every time I rang home I had to wait a whole minute before I could leave Anne a message. In those days the costs were something stupid like £5 a minute. Ah well. It was an expenses job anyway.

As I approach the one thousand word mark for this episode the words begin to slowly run out and stop exactly there.

3rd law part 8

3rd Law part 10

Editor’s footnote: for authoritative post on rainfall measurement techniques see here.

the drive home from the carwash

February 12th, 2011

video short

February 12th, 2011

An original work by Tom Davies

Lets go for a coffee

February 12th, 2011

Lets go for a coffee
it’s a destination
no recreation
sitting there
in the picture window
self conscious objects of mild interest
Saying nowt, sipping
their lattes and cappucini
staring back blankly
unquestioning of their celebrity
or reason for being there.
Lets go for a coffee.

The Modern Urban Mundanist Part 2

February 10th, 2011

The mundanist
City boy with a recently developed style
found in the ordinary course of events
he developed an immense terrestrial practicality
though a person who does not belong to a particular group
and considered to be “normal”,

“a placid everyday scene” not meant in the sense of “boring”, but in the technical sense of “of the physical world”.

A contemporary person advanced: ahead of the times in a place that exceeds a population size or density threshold as defined according to the census. An early Christian, also Urbane.

The modern urban mundanist

February 8th, 2011

The modern urban mundanist,
Would not go and chop off his ear,
In the manner of Gauguin the artist,
He would find it much harder to hear.

Though an ear to the ground can be handy,
When attempting to snap the mundane,
For without it the risk is that sadly,
All your photos would look quite the same.

@funkypancake: the modern urban mundanist

The Red Flag at RAF Scampton playing field

February 6th, 2011

Flag at Sleaford Town Football Club

February 6th, 2011

shoes on show @lauraandrew style

February 5th, 2011

Shoes on show, for those in the know,
an afternoon to while – @lauraandrew style,
cognoscenti, shoes a plenty,
forget those rainy downtown shopping blues,
Gallery at St Martins is the place for shoes

http://www.pipbowman.co.uk/GalleryatStMartins.htm
http://www.lauraandrew.com/

for @lauraandrew

Parentmail 11th January 2011 – precautions against ‘swine flu’

January 23rd, 2011

Our ref: PS/PMM
11 January 2010
Dear Parent/Guardian

We are writing to you in response to recent information about ‘Swine Flu’.

As you are no doubt aware there are predictions of an increase in ‘Swine Flu’ incidents.

The school has a full policy in place for any outbreak of ‘Swine Flu’ within the school and has implemented this.

If you believe that your son or daughter has ‘Swine Flu’ you should follow the national advice provided by the NHS http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/paandemic-flu/pages/symptoms.aspx .

On this website the NHS list the symptoms as fever or high temperature (over 38?C/100.4?) and two or
more of the following symptoms:

Unusual tiredness, headache, runny nose sore throat, shortness of breath or cough, loss of
appetite, aching muscles, diarrhoea or vomiting.

Please do not send your child to school if they have or you suspect they have ‘Swine Flu’.

As a community there are some simple precautions that we can all take to minimize the effect of
any out-break, these include:

  • please send your son or daughter to school with some anti-viral hand wash and some disposable tissues
  • washing hands frequently with soap and warm water, or using an anti-viral hand rub to reduce the spread of the virus from the hands to the face or to other people, particularly after blowing the nose or disposing of tissues.
    covering the nose and mouth with a tissue when coughing or sneezing
  • disposing of dirty tissue promptly and carefully, bagging and binning them
  • minimising contact between hands and mouth/nose
  • regularly cleaning frequently touched hard surfaces (eg kitchen worktops, door handles) using normal cleaning products.

Yours sincerely,

The Headmaster

We got this letter via email recently – it’s a work of art in itself and of its time.

back garden winter colours

January 23rd, 2011

The conservatory – clean – seldom done

January 22nd, 2011

A dull day in Jan
And the roof needs a clean
As an event it is a seldom one
A seldom event is seldom done
In fact it is seven yearly seldom
Though outside it is not too cold
And Hannah is making the lunch
Whilst I sit in the conservatory
And watch the sky unfold
Above my very eyes
Drip averting
As the fierceness of the hose
Marks its glass

Then came the stench
Disgust creating sense reeling remainder,
Reminder of the seven gutteral years
Of rotting composition
Seven pickled years of careless neglect

And finally came the light
Uplifting to drown the smell of time.

random favourite tweets part 2

January 9th, 2011

More chinks in the curtain of the twittersphere:

Q “can i ask how you will be voting?” A “Yes, I’ll put on my shoes go to the local school and put an x in the box”

Are the Seattle Seahawks British? They’ve got that plucky underdog thing going nicely.

If anyone wants to lose weight really fast, send me money, whatever you’ve got, and I’ll send you some of my patented Snakeskin Oil.

Went out today to buy a milk jug and came back with a rather nice frying pan 😉 Kind of sums me up in the kitchen!

Glasgow. Munster. Glasgow. Munster. Glasgow. Munster. Glasgow. Munster.Glasgow. Munster.

Don’t feed the trolls.

at local kebab shop newly cleaned motor looks awesome! “chilli sauce?!” “you betcha!!!”

Read the rest of this entry »

A filthy night

January 7th, 2011

A filthy night,
Of penetrating damp,
Ruins the chest,
Kills weak souls,
Bring back ice,
Cleansing frost,
Pristine killer,
Silent execution.

January

January 3rd, 2011

It’s January, 2011. The land is barren, mostly frozen, and there is no sun. The thermometer has barely risen above zero all winter and we still have a couple of miserable months to go. January, together with its soul mate February, is the least interesting month of the year.

There are only two sensible things to do. One is to hibernate and the other is to leave for warmer climes. I have absolutely no sense of loyalty to the British post Christmas winter. If it was a pretty, white, frozen landscape that might be different but it ain’t.

This afternoon the fire is lit which helps. Fire has an offsetting effect on January and February. Central heating doesn’t do it. You need flames and direct heat. You need crackle and flicker and colour. It’s all part of hibernation really – the falling asleep on the settee in front of the fire.

January is an austere month. A time of admonishment. It used to be of necessity, to conserve supplies until fresh growth. Nowadays the necessity comes from overindulgence during the mid winter holiday. The bleak mid winter holiday.

The austerity accompanies those who cannot flee. They are trapped. The notion of going somewhere warm for the remainder of the winter seems to clash with the idea that belts need tightening and livers restoring. So most of us tighten and restore and bend our heads to the wind glancing up only occasionally to keep our bearings.

Thank goodness for the fire.