December 29, 2016
December 24, 2016
The correct way to hang a loo roll – Christmas special
short instructional post on how to hang a toilet roll
There should be nothing contentious about how to hang a loo roll but for some reason people often get this simple thing wrong. Toilet rolls should be hung with the loose end on the outside, away from the wall. This makes tearing off a strip with one hand much easier. This post discusses the subject. Note this dialogue only goes as far as the dispensing of the paper from the roll. We do not discuss the subsequent use of the product.
There are only really two aspects to the purchasing and dispensing of a toilet roll that should be considered. The quality of the paper itself and how it is detached from the roll prior to use. A good quality toilet roll as sold in bulk bags from all supermarkets is fine. Choose a price point that suits you. It is usually best to avoid those that claim additional padding or quilting because the thicker paper will mean fewer sheets on the roll with questionable performance benefits. On the other hand you don’t want cheap thin stuff. It doesn’t take long to home in on a product with which you are happy. If Izal is offered don’t touch it with a barge pole, let alone your backside. Mind you I don’t think you see Izal in the shops anymore.
When hanging the toilet roll it should always be done with the loose end facing away from the wall. This allows you to tear off a strip using only one hand. A quick snappy tearing action works really well. In this way you avoid unravelling half the roll. You might occasionally find it useful to rest the edge of the hand on part of the roll whilst tearing with the same hand.
Industrial packs that provide individual sheets of toilet paper should be avoided. Not only are they generally not sold in supermarkets but require special dispensers that look silly in a domestic toilet or bathroom. These dispensers are far from perfect. It is sometimes difficult to extract a sheet if the previous one was not properly removed.
A friend of ours called George once worked for a pharmaceutical company and had a garage full of large rolls of the kind used in pubs and other public toilets. When he left that job he kept his samples and the toilets in his house had large dispensers on the back of the doors. It took two years to use up the supplies before operations could return to normal.
I have nothing else to say about toilet rolls. If you do by all means leave a comment but please keep it clean:)
Below is a demonstration of the correct way to remove paper from a toilet roll.
December 15, 2016
Soon I will die
and be forgotten
I am a baker. I have mastered the basic art of survival. I make bread. I put food on the table for my family. My cow provides us with milk, butter and cheese. I brew ale and use the yeast which is a by product of the brewing process in my bread. Bread cheese and ale are all I really need. The wheat for the bread is grown in the fields around my house and is stored in jars I keep for the purpose. I keep pigs and hens and sometimes catch fish and wildfowl from the rivers, fields and woods around me. This is all hard work. My back is bent and you can count the years in the lines on my face. Soon I will die and be forgotten.
I am a baker. I buy the flour, salt, butter and yeast from the supermarket. I like baking my own bread. I do it for my own personal satisfaction and not out of a need to feed the family. Survival is not my game. Occasionally I cook meals using the finest ingredients money can buy. I spend my years getting the most out of them. Laughter has lined my face and I like to drink ale. I have time on my hands. Soon I will die and be forgotten.
Staring down the barrel of a gun
trust nobody
You think we live in a nice provincial town. Rarely get any trouble around here eh? Open your eyes. There are instruments of violence all around you. Even here in the bustling tourist heartland of the city known as the cathedral quarter it is possible to find yourself staring down the barrel of a gun. You need to think about what you might do in such situations. Here are a few pointers to get you started.
Trust no one and carry your own means of defense.
Watch your back
Avoid dark alleys
Carry a personal alarm
Carry a concealed gun or blade
Always move about in groups
Stick to well lit highways
Never get out of your car
Don’t live in Emurica
Attend martial arts classes
You have better go prepared. Don’t trust anyone. You could be in for a blade between the shoulders or a cannon ball between the eyebrows.
Happy Christmas from the philosopHerontap security team
Advisory note: Please make sure that any advice you follow is legal in your own jurisdiction. We wouldn’t want the forces of law and order deciding that society would be safer with you in the slammer.
December 14, 2016
The three servers
at the castle cafe
Picture the scene. You walk into a cafe. There aren’t many in although it still looks a little crowded because some guy with a pram is blocking access to a chunk of space. I amble up to the small counter glancing sideways at the blackboard. It’s the usual stuff. Latte, flat white, cappuccino, teas of various flavours. I decide on a lah tay.
Behind the counter there are three members of staff, all looking smart is green aprons. I stand there. They stand there. This inanimate state continues for a few seconds. “Quite interesting” I think. I am a customer and they are paid to sell me stuff and, having handed over my cash, deliver that which is now rightfully mine.
I wasn’t annoyed. Just bemused at the situation. I would quite happily have stood there for ten minutes not being served. The situation had artistic merit. In fact that is what it is. A living work of art. We all stand there, three of the participants being oblivious to the presence of the fourth despite the fact that they are staring right at him.
It was almost disappointing that all three eventually jolted themselves out of their reverie and the person nearest the till, presumably the most junior, took my order. I moved into another, empty and more spacious room, with my lah tay and awaited a toasted tea cake. The mince pies weren’t ready yet.
December 11, 2016
December 7, 2016
group hug
by philosopheroNtap
This is an online group hug for people who want to get things off their chests and/or have a hug with others. It’s a lot more sterile than an actual physical hug but better than sitting alone in the darkness…
Come along and get sympathy from others on Facebook.
December 6, 2016
15 words
beginning with S
Silicon
Silicone
Sicilian
Skeptical
Serene
Sausalito
Sincere
Situation
Sarong
Sweets
Senility
Sumptuous
Sliced
Sensual
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December 5, 2016
weathervane
the North East wind blows
Chill descends over city. Wind from the North East. Norway. Siberia maybe. Sideways glance into alleyway. Homeless man huddles. Dirty sleeping bag.
Wind direction for him not good.
Did not stop. Climbed hill home. More coal on fire.
What is wrong with world?