Archive for the ‘writings’ Category

Lincoln A2Z A10 – Jerusalem

Monday, April 28th, 2014

I’ve been to Jerusalem. Twice. Jerusalem Israel. Never been to Jerusalem, Lincs, as far as I know. When is was in Jerusalem, Israel the streets were filled with soldiers, guns slung casually over their shoulders. I imagine guns can occasionally be seen in Jerusalem, Lincolnshire. Shotguns. Pheasant killers. Peasant thrillers. Killer diller. I feel as if a song would be appropriate here but I’ve never learnt the words to Jerusalem mainly because I’m Welsh. Good song though and I do like a good song. We Welsh like to sing. When my dad were a lad they would all troop off to choir practice at the chapel on a Tuesday night. It’s why everyone in Wales used to know the words to hymns, and the harmonies. Not anymore. The whole chapel thing is fading out and people no longer have the occasion to learn the words. Shame really. They could still do the hymn singing without the religious bits. It’s what back rooms of pubs with pianos are for. I once went on a works outing to the peak district. We went on some sort of circular walk and ended up in a village with three pubs. The first was decidedly dodgy, filled with locals who would eye us with that “he’s not from round here” sort of look. The second was a bit touristy so five of us wandered on and found hte third pub. We hit the jackpot. This was a real locals pub with an old girl banging awya on hte piano whilst the regulars played their instruments – maracas, triangles etc. The songs were all of an era – roll out the barrell, daisy daisy giv e me your answer do and so on. We stayed there for the rest of the night. It came to midnight and the party was still in full swing but one of our party suddenly remembered we had to get on the coach to go home. An hour ago! We swayed down the road and met the coach coming to look for us. Slept the whole way home. Great day out. I wonder if there is a pub in Jerusalem. I may never find out…

PS – just taken a look on the map and of course I’ve been through Jerusalem. It’s just a couple of farm buildings and whilst there is no pub (shame) the Stones in Skellingthorpe is only a shortish walk. Ciao amigos.

Lincoln A2Z F15 Swanholme Lakes SirenFM sirenonline

Sunday, September 8th, 2013

I been to Swanholme. More accurately I been to the Swanholme pub which isn’t in scope in this post. F15 is at the South end of Hartsholme Park which is a good place to take the kids for a run out on a Sunday afternoon.

Never been all the way round the park because it’s quite a long way round so the only view I’ve actually had of Swanholme Lakes is from the pub and the pub car park.

It’s quite a nice facility for the locals. Nice bit of nature. We are quite lucky in Lincoln with our bits of nature. After all we don’t have to go very far until we are in the countryside. Unless that is you happen to be travelling down Tritton Road in which case it’s mostly built up for a few miles.

Swanholme Lakes lie between the great artery that is Tritton Road and the sleepy commuter suburb of Doddington Park. Looked at buying a house in Doddo Park once but we ended up not doing so. We wanted to live in walking distance of Uphill Lincoln. More accurately within walking distance of the Bull and Chain, Morning Star, The Victoria, The Strugglers, oh and the shops of course.

We can always drive out to Swanholme if we want. We don’t. The kids are a lot older now and family life has moved on.

If you’re looking for birds Swanholme is the place to be. Splash. Splish. Splash.

Lincoln A2Z R14 – Canwick Pits

Sunday, September 8th, 2013

What do you think of when you hear the words Canwick Pits? Crap innit? Canwick, it’s the pits. It’s not really. The pits are a quarry where much of the stone used in walls around the very ancient village of Canwick was sourced.

Lots of history to Can wick. That’s the cool way to pronounce it by the way. Can – wick – two separate words. The first people to roam Canwick were hunters and gatherers in the Mesolithic period approximately 8500-5300BC. The first settlers arrived in the Neolithic period, approximately between 4500 – 7000 years ago, and then a more structured settlement came here in the Bronze Age, with a Barrow cemetery near the river Witham. I got that historical bit from the internet. Google it. It’s not my own original work. Plagiarised though not in a bad way. I’ve added value to the original copy.

I’m not going to go into any more detail either. There is a lot to read. It’s been around a long time and that is all we need to know for the purpose of this discourse.

I’ve not actually visited the pits at Canwick. Not even sure you can, though it might be one of those “former” quarries where people can walk the dog or ride mountain bikes or just go for a bit of a walk. Usually there is a lot of interesting wildlife to observe – fauna and flora. I’m thinking rabbits and butterflies with the occasional bird flitting by. Then a few flowers in the long grass.

Possibly it is a place where lovers go. Somewhere for a discrete cuddle away from the prying eyes of nosy villagers, curtain twitchers and tongue reporters. Telephone calls made expressly for the purpose of spreading the news. The same people see their husbands out on the drive on a Sunday morning, polishing the car, nipping down to the newsagent for a copy of the Mail on Sunday, maybe.

Gah. I get my stone from B&Q. That isn’t really true. I don’t buy stone. I got a barbecue from there recently but now I’m straying off the subject.

R14 – Canwick Pits. You know it makes sense.

K19 – Witham/Bracebridge Low fields

Sunday, September 8th, 2013

In K19 the River Witham should not be confused with the North Hykeham Pump Drain which whilst being also filled with water is not the same. The Witham is of course a natural feature of the landscape whilst the drain is not.

The Witham will quite probably contain fish though not to my knowledge, salmon. The drain may also contain fish but it is less likely to do so than the river. In any event you should take care when out walking with small children that the youngsters keep well away from the edge of the water. It can be very dangerous especially after a period of heavy rainfall. The banks can get slippery.

I mentioned salmon because I quite like salmon sandwiches. Either smoked or poached with a bit of cuke and mayonnaise. Brown bread not white and butter not margarine. You should eat a variety of sandwich fillings in order to provide a varied diet. Just salmon every day would get a bit boring and you might find yourself short of a specific vitamin. This is guesswork.

I am somewhat digressing here. Artistic license. I did look online to see what information I could find about the drain. I was hoping to find the date where it was cut/invented (delete as appropriate). I couldn’t. At least on the first two pages of Google and I wasn’t desperate enough for the information to look any further.

So that’s it. Not a particularly enlightening article but it’s all you’re getting. Ciao.

Hops hops everywhere…

Friday, August 23rd, 2013

The eagle eyed will spot these as some of America’s best hopvarietals, though there is an obvious contender missing from this splendid lineup.  I’ll save you the googling, it’s “Cascade”.

Hops, those luscious vines of alpha and beta acids and sticky resins, are much line grape vines.  We can’t grow what we like, where we like – it’s soil, weather, conditions and husbandry… our hop growers need to learn to grow world class hops (again?), or to quote Stinger from Top Gun

You need to be doing it better, and cleaner than the other guy.

The National Hop Association is waving the flag, I’ve met some great hop farmers, and things are looking good.

But please, don’t just try to plant what’s selling to the hop-heads right now, grown what grows, and grow it well.

Letter from the Pope on the occasion of Tref & Anne’s Silver Wedding Anniversary

Monday, August 19th, 2013

My Dear Mrs Davies Anne,

Word has made it through the ecclesiastical grapevine that you are celebrating 25 years of being married to your husband Tref. I realise that you are not of the Catholic persuasion but I felt compelled to write to you on this, your very special occasion, to share with you some important news.

Familiar as we all are with Tref the realisation that you have stuck with him for so long took us all by surprise. To say that we were astonished is to greatly understate the reaction of everyone here at the Vatican City.

The purpose of this communication is not to ask why you have performed this amazing feat of endurance. It is a well known fact that love empowers and motivates people to perform feats beyond the ken of ordinary men and women.

We, and when I say we I include all the staff here in Rome (not a single dissenting Cardinal voice) wanted to let you know of our admiration for what you have achieved. You should know that most of us lock ourselves away in solitude and inner contemplation for many years in an attempt to attain the state of spiritual serenity that you have managed despite spending 25 years with the bloke and bringing up four intensely demanding children.

Not a generally publicised fact is that over the two millennia of development of the Catholic regime we now have well established methods of quantifying achievements such as yours.

Before I go further you need to understand the basic tenets of our achievement system. In our game growing levels of serenity are achieved by the chanting of a Hail Mary. One million Hail Marys gets you a Cardinalship. To be a Pope needs at least five million. Anyone hitting the 10 million mark is considered to have done enough to achieve sainthood. It’s pretty impossible for ordinary people to attain this level.

I don’t need to tell you that even the Cardinalship is a bit of an ask. Some people spend a lifetime saying Hail Marys and never get there. For most it is simply beyond their reach.

Where is all this going I hear you ask and well you might. The fact is that the physical act of putting up with Tref for so long has been assessed as being the equivalent of having to say a penance of 1,000 Hail Marys for every day you have been together.

A quick back of a bible calculation suggests that 25 years, which is 9,125 days give or take a leap year at 1,000 Hair Marys a day comes up well over 9 million Hail Marys. Ordinarily that would immediately fast track you through a Cardinalcy to an instant Papacy.

Now there are two problems here. One is that there is already somebody in the job, ie me. If this were the only obstacle it would be remiss of me if I weren’t to tell you that this is not an insurmountable problem. There are ways around it as was shown with my own appointment.

However the fact that you are a woman is the killer. I’m afraid that the Papacy, for a complex web of reasons which I don’t propose to discuss, is very much a case of jobs for the boys.

This isn’t to say that we don’t think we shouldn’t do something. We, my dear Anne, have been sufficiently impressed with you that we wanted to make a positive show of support.

We have revisited your case and are able to increase your tally of Hail Marys based on a number of fiddle factors. Firstly our initial estimate of 9 million one hundred and twenty five thousand Hail Marys can be raised by the use of alternative Papal calendars that need no clear definition or clarification for the purposes of these calculations. Then we are able to add an escalation factor based on the fact that you had four kids (are you sure you aren’t a catholic?).

One disingenuous individual did suggest that strictly speaking all this should be offset by the fact that you lived with Tref before getting married which comes with negative Hail Marys. This person has now been posted to a Parish on a desert island somewhere off the coast of South Georgia (I will not go back on this – it’s a tough job being a Pope – you make a decision, you stick with it).

Anyway to cut a long story short, and recognising that I am going on a bit here, we have come up with a revised Hail Mary count that takes us well North of the 10 million mark and Mrs Davies bach Anne we all know what that means don’t we?

Anne, I have been authorised by the Vatican boys to make you an offer that I think you won’t be able to refuse. Anne we would like you to accept a sainthood.

If you would like to take us up on this offer please complete the enclosed form and return in the envelope supplied. You will need to put a stamp on it (times are hard).

This offer comes with an associated package of benefits. You will receive your own saints day together with a shrine, location to be confirmed but the suggestion has been made that it will be at the location of your ironing board. You will also need to decide on an activity that will be performed on your saint’s day. Initial opinion is that this should involve mothers and wives everywhere spending the day being pampered at a spa.

So that’s it. I hope that you will take us up on our offer. It will involve conversion to the Catholic church but I assume that this will not be a problem – it certainly won’t be from our end (wink wink).

All the best and have a great celebration.

Yours in expectation

The Pope.

Lincoln A2Z – C19 Hykeham Sailing Club

Saturday, July 20th, 2013

A life on the ocean wave.

Land Ho

Riding along on the crest of a wave

Splice the mainbrace

Shiver me timbers

In search of the North West Passage

The sun is over the yardarm

Bermuda triangle

Doldrums

Narwhal

The white hot sun beat down on the water, its glare blinding the weekenders that had turned out for a sail. There was not a breath of air and the sails on the small boats struggled to fill, the occasional lifeless flap offering little grounds for optimism.

They sat at the edge of the water waiting. Occasionally someone would get a cold drink out of the picnic bag. It wasn’t a bad way to spend the afternoon. Although there was no sailing it was too hot to do anything else and dangling your legs in the water was a good way of cooling off.

As the heat of the day died away the barbecue lit itself and the beers came out.

Db5 Pelham Bridge

Sunday, July 7th, 2013

You can bet yer booties that Pelham Bridge made a massive difference to traffic flow in down town Lincoln. It’s bad enough these days with the railway crossings that we have but without Pelham Bridge there would be even more.

Pelham Bridge was opened by the Queen in June 1958. It was chucking it down – typical British Summer weather. In those days it would have been horse and cart, or maybe the Model T Ford. Had cars even been invented? I dunno.

Anyway Pelham Bridge was built to provide a useful viewing point for train spotters wanting to watch the steam trains at Lincoln Central Station. Trainspotting was a perfectly acceptable hobby in those days and was something to be encouraged. Nowadays trains all look the same and have no romance. Anyone interested in trainspotting needs their head examining. Probably other parts of the body too.

In 1958 Pelham Bridge was the first of a series of planned constructions designed to alleviate the traffic in Lincoln. The others are still waiting to happen though we do now have the bridge at the far end of the Brayford which is very handy. It was built for people to have a good viewing point for looking down at the boats and to make it easier to get to the Hub pub on the other side of the water.

There isn’t much attractive about Pelham Bridge. It’s a bit of a concrete jobbie and can get very windswept when you walk over it which doesn’t happen very often. I’ve seen people do it though. On their way home from Sincil Bank maybe. I’d be inclined to cross using the pedestrian bridge nearer the Railway Station. It’s more direct.

I wonder how many bridges the Queen has opened since then. Loads. She specialises in that kind of stuff. Means she can reuse her speech. Just changes the word bridge to school, hospital or other civil engineering project.

Sometimes she delegates smaller openings to Phil the Greek but when she did Pelham she was still fresh on the throne and was doing most of them herself. I wonder if she remembers doing Pelham Bridge. It was a long time ago now. It was opened in 1958 and it was raining.

K13 Sir Francis Hill Primary School named after Lincoln historian

Sunday, July 7th, 2013

When you drive south along Tritton Road and you get to the Chieftain Way trading estate there is a school on your left. It’s one of those things you notice but don’t give any though to.

Well you should. Not specifically because of the school but because that school is named after one of Lincoln’s most famous historians, Sir Francis Hill.

Wikipedia tells us that Sir James William Francis Hill CBE (1899–1980) was a British solicitor and leading historian of Lincoln and Lincolnshire. He was the third Chancellor of the University of Nottingham. He also served as a Councillor, Alderman and Mayor of Lincoln.

I am somewhat saddened that there is very little information about him on tinterweb. There will I’m sure be something archived in Lincoln but he predated the internet. Sir Francis wrote three books on the history of Medieval, Georgian and Victorian Lincoln which if you like that sort of thing, which I do, are definitely worth a read. Worth buying even I’d say.

I refer to him very formally as Sir Francis but I did find a reference to him on google books where he was called Frank Hill and discussing the fact that he started writing the Medieval book in the 1920s which is interesting. I assume that his friends called him Frank. I don’t imagine his wife calling him Sir Francis do you?

I’m going to stick with Sir Francis out of deference.

As far as the rest of K13 goes there isn’t much to say. It touches a couple of trading estates and part of Tritton Road runs through it as I have already said…

Lincoln A2Z G8 – Fossdyke

Saturday, July 6th, 2013

When the weather is fine you’ll be spending your time just messing about on the river. As the song goes. The Fossdyke isn’t an actual river but hey. Who cares. It is water and if it is a sunny day it is nice to mess about on it.

Most of don’t have that luxury of course for to mess about on the water you have to have a boat. Still like the idea though. I wonder if there is a rush on boats when the weather is fine in the same was as when it snows the shops soon sell out of sledges (bit of poetry for you there).

I suspect not because you can get a sledge for a few quid but a boat is going to cost you quite a bit more, depending on how big you want it to be. The choice of boat size is very important because if you have a lot of people wanting to come on board and the boat isn’t big enough then it could sink.

I realise that this is a very obvious piece of advice but to stray off the path of political correctness for now fleeting moment there are some people out there who need instructions like this to be written in very large font and shoved in front of their face. I’d even go one step further and ask them to sign that they have red and understood the instructions. You’d need a lot of space for the signatures because there would be a lot of them.

Anyway I digress. Boat size, as I say, is important. Especially when the weather is fine because all your friends and neighbours will just happen to call round and slip into the conversation the fact that it’s a lovely day to be out on the water isn’t it? They expect to be invited. That is why you should buy a bigger boat than you think you need. Unless you aren’t particularly sociable or don’t like your neighbours in which case you could just tell them to stuff it.

You do get a lot of boats pootling along the Fossdyke. A walk along the bank, just past the golf course can be very pleasant. Don’t be shy, give it a try.

Lincoln A2Z L5 Ermine West

Saturday, May 11th, 2013

You can get lost in Ermine West without too much difficulty. Actually that is not true.  I once took a wrong turning there and ended up nowhere. It was a mistake easily rectified and nothing was really lost other than a minute of my time spent retracing my steps, or wheel rotations as it happened to be. The steps or wheel rotations rewound I took a different turn and meandered my way from Riseholme Road to the Road of Burton whereupon I continued to the shops and the execution my errand which was so trivial I now struggle to remember its nature. There is nothing further of note to report.

Lincoln A2Z P17 Bracebridge Heath

Monday, May 6th, 2013

Hi Y’all. Randy’s the name. I’m from Alabama. Doin the United Kingdom to discover ma roots. I’m jest here fra long weekend so gotta cram as much in as a caine. Ma great great granddaddy was from Brace bridge Heath so soon as I got off the plane in London I jumped in a cab and came straight up. Caint be that far I thought. Well let me tell you your English taxi drivers charge a mint. Cost me a few hundred of your British Pounds but I’m here now I guess. Stayin at The White Hart Hotel.

I asked the girl behind the desk the way to Brace bridge and she very kindly gave me a map. Best way is to jump in a cab she said. I said after my first experience with cabs in your country I ain’t taking another one so I said I’ll walk. Caint be that far. Never walked anywhere before but my mind was made up.

It sure was jest a little bit further than I bargained for but ah got there in the end. Up Can wick Hill and then hang a right until I got to Can wick avey new. When I got there it was nearly midday and I was getting jest a little bit peckish. Ok mighty peckish if I’m goin to be totally truthfull. I got the the end of Can wick avey new and what did a see but a Homestead. A good ole ornery homestead jest like they used to have in Alabama. What’s more that Homestead did good plain Amurucain food. Steaks, burgers, BBQ chicken. Why it sure as heck reminded me of home and ma granny’s cookin.

If I had to pick a fault it would only be that there were no grits on the menu. I asked the waitress and she looked at me as if I was from another planet so I didn’t push the issue. I would also have been nice to have unlimited refills because the glass my coke came in was pretty small but I figured after the grits incident I’d better hold ma tongue.

After lunch I spent a wonderful 15 minutes walking around. I found that the place used to be a mental hospital. Maybe ma great great granddaddy was a doctor? Weel I finished Brace bridge Heath and headed back to the Homestead to ask them to call me a cab, I done enough walking for another year.

I’m home now, Back in Birmingham, Alabamy that is. The hotel told me to catch a train. I guess after seeing Brace bridge I didn’t have much time for anywhere else. I spent the rest of the trip resting in my room and in the hotel restaurant. I guess some day I’ll have to come back and see your Cathedral and Castle.

Have a nice day y’all.

Randy.

Lincoln A2Z W18 Branston Old Hall

Sunday, May 5th, 2013

I have to be honest with you I know absolutely nothing about Branston Old Hall. Nowt, niet, dim byd o gwbl – that last bit was in Welsh in case you are wondering. I wouldn’t want you to think that Welsh was ever natively spoken in the area because I’m not sure it ever was. However I am Welsh and there has clearly been some population movement from the West of the British Isles into the general Lincoln area at some point in history.

One might ask what therefore qualifies me to write a piece for Lincoln AtoZ on the subject. Well here’s the rub. They didn’t say I ever had to have been there though something in the deepest recesses of my memory banks tells me I might have been there for a wedding once but how do you expect me to remember the details. It was a wedding for goodness sake. They all pretty much fade into one and it has been some considerable time since I actually went to one.

Apart from my own wedding the one I do specifically remember was that of Ian and Michelle Reid. The do was somewhere between Lincoln and Scunthorpe – we got there on a coach. The reason I specifically remember it was because our table was supposed to have eight people but only four made it to the “breakfast”. One couple that to leave with their little boy because she went into labour in the church and another person had to bow out because she had the flu.

So there we were on a table for eight but with only four people present. We all had two bread rolls, two starters, two glasses of champagne, two puddings and best of all, knowing their friends well, the bride and groom had very generously laid on six bottles of wine for the table. It was made even better by the fact that one of the people on our table was driving!!! What a night. I’m surprised I remember it at all.

Anyway that wasn’t Branston Old Hall. A cursory glance using Google tells me Branston Old Hall was built in 1735 by Lord Vere Bertie. Sounds like a character from a Jeeves novel doesn’t he? After the Enclosure Act of 1765 he was the largest landowner in the area. His land stretched as far as the River Witham. That’s all you’re getting because frankly I’m not interested in doing any more research on this subject. Google it if you want. It’s easy enough.

Arrivederchi (lots of Italians around here innit? – population movement and all that)

Lincoln A2Z P2 Riseholme Park

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

P2 is an interesting plot to cover. I was going to write about the fact that the Lincoln RFC junior rugby section trained there before the end of the cricket season made more of the Lindum ground available.

However in checking to see whether the rugby pitches were actually in P2 I came across far more interesting things to talk about.

First of all the A2Z map suggests that the park ends at Riseholme Lane. A look at Google maps in satellite view shows a long avenue of trees that cross the lane and beyond into territory not marked as Riseholme Park.

Clearly there was a time, when the park was laid out, when the grounds were more extensive than today. A quick Google reveals the following:

Riseholme Hall was built in the middle of the 18th century by the Chaplin family. Formal tree planting and the lake were already in place by 1779, but by the early-19th century the south park had become more informal. In 1840 the estate was sold to the Ecclesiastical Commissioners, to become the Palace for the Bishop of Lincoln. The hall and park were re-modelled and a new church was built.

The Bishopric (I assume there was more than one Bish in the time) was clearly still a powerful entity in Victorian times for the Bish to have such a large pad. Worra life.

The estate was sold in 1887. It was later bought by the County Council in 1945. In 1949, the Lindsey Farm Institute was opened. 1

Today the park forms the site of the Agricultural College of the University of Lincoln as well as hosting an Inland Revenue Training Centre.

Balls are sometimes held at the Hall. I once went as a guest to someone’s school bash but I have to say it was a dull affair. To save costs the entertainment was a jazz band put together by some parents and they weren’t particularly good! A second school ball but for a different school redeemed the place and on the hot summer’s evening we were able to enjoy the views of the park out across the lake.

That’s all for now. Tune in again for another Lincoln A2Z by Philosopherontap.

1 source http://www.parksandgardens.org/places-and-people/site/2812?preview=1

Lincoln A2Z S12 sewage works

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

What is there to say about a sewage works? Not much. Horrible smelly places I imagine though I’m not speaking with any authority. Mine is merely a biased view built on ignorance and a willingness to make judgement without any real evidence.

I haven’t even been to this sewage works though I have driven past. It’s not the sort of place you stop at to take a closer look. A necessary evil and not something to dwell upon. Yuk.

After all we all know what sort of stuff gets processed at these places. I’m not going to elaborate. Your imagination is already running into overdrive though if I were you I’d move on mentally as I did in the car.

People must work at these places. Hey, a job’s a job. I wonder whether they leave the house in a suit in the morning, kissing their wives who hand them a briefcase containing their packed lunch. When they get to the office, the sewage treatment plant, they change into a boiler suit with helmet and rubber gloves. They don’t tell the wife. Probably say they work for the council or at a solicitors’. After all what girl would want to be at a coffee morning with her pals and chat about what hubby was going to be doing today when hubby was cleaning gooey blockages from the feeder pipes.

At night on the way home they do the same in reverse. Probably make up some story about someone at the office. “Old Reg he’s a real card you know”. Funny how they never have a Christmas do with wives invited at this solicitors. Every other solicitors’ does. What was the name of the firm again?

I once went on a sewer tour in London. Wouldn’t want to do it again. I was wearing double rubber protection all over. When climbing down the ladder to the sewer my nose developed an itch and I scratched it with my gloved hand. At that moment I realised what I had done. The ladder was wet with sewer “water”. Nightmare.

It would not be fair of me to leave S12 without finding something nice to say about the plot. After all sewage works do perform a useful public service and the circles that appear on the map are actually quite artistic. That’s it though.

S12, sewage works, yuk.