where art collides

It’s the last day of my roaring forties. I guess they did roar and will finish loudly.  Today I am traveling 1st class on the train from Lincoln heading to London.  A busy day of industrialism followed by the Trefor.net Xmas tweetup at the St Pancras Renaissance hotel.Before I set off I tapped the barrel of Timothy Taylor’s Landlord bitter (my favourite) ready for the party on Saturday. Just a few friends round out house for a jazz session and to play some old disco favourites:) Tomorrow will be a civilised day spent relaxing, perhaps getting a haircut and then in the evening going out to see Erv in a piano recital.I’ve been looking forward to my 50th. When I got to 40 I wondered what all the fuss was about. 50 seems to be a much more significant milestone. Why is this?

At this point life seems to be a contradiction. 50 I imagine is an age of respectability.  A time where a person would historically look back, bask in the fruits of success and begin the slow and inevitable glide into old age.

That’s the bit I don’t understand. From where I stand 50 looks like a launch pad.  A place from which to increase the pace of life and go on to greater things. There is plenty yet to achieve. Life should continually overshadow the past.

The  respectability thing is a difficult one to grasp. How can someone as clearly irresponsible as me hope to live up to an image that goes with 50? It isn’t that I don’t recognise the responsible part of the outer me. I hear me speak. I see people Looking at me and listening. There is plenty of evidence of the responsible me.

Inside though I am still the 19 year old occupying the ladies cubicle at the New Strand Inn in Douglas making the girls queue up, with their handbags. I am still the kid who skived off General Studies classes at school to go and play pool and who woke up our form teacher who was taking a nap at lunchtime by playing pitch and toss against his door.

There is evidence of change since that time. The house, 4 kids, the widening girth! The fact that I can no longer run the 10k in under an hour!! Just a temporary aberration I’m sure.So some good, some not so good but life is all about change and it just needs embracing.