Categories
ideas

the art of being

05.45. Couple of vapour trails cross the clear blue sky, destination unknown.  London probs. 

At this time of the morning I assume they are at the end of a long flight. Cabin crew will be clearing away after what claims to have been breakfast and the skipper will have nudged the passengers into last minute preparations before they all have to belt up for landing. A queue appears outside the toilets.

On terra firma pesky woodpigeons whoop and a fearless robin lands on the bench outside the conservatory.

I am awake.

It was light well before 5am this morning. I recall not the specific time of the observation but I was momentarily awake before drifting back for perhaps another half hour’s nod. A fine day in prospect. A good day to shut out the wider world and enjoy being.

The art of being. The act of being. Wonderful being. Sipping a cup of tea. Sitting in a chair listening to birdsong. Smelling the morning. The closed piano, waiting for the right moment. The clock on the wall, two minutes fast. Never noticed that before. It isn’t really there to tell the time anyway. It looks nice in a useful space above the piano. Beating time. Metronome for life.

Now that I’ve noticed the clock I can hear it tick. Never heard that before.Traffic on the road in front of the house. Where are people off to at this time of day? I specifically want to know. Early voices coming from next door’s garden. I assume. Early, like I said, but what is early?

I may never again not notice the clock ticking. Interesting that. I may never again stay at the hotel on the beach in Venice. What’s that all about? Straying to the philosophical here.

Our lemon tree has many flowers. This is the first time I have noticed. It’s a small bush not a tree. It will never be a tree, trapped as it is in its terracotta pot devoid of any nutrition and only occasionally watered.

The glass panelled door to the living room is half open. The way I left it. There is a lot to take in. There are millions of blades of grass in our back garden alone, let alone on the whole planet.

Six neatly ordered chairs around a table cloth of green. The flowers outside the conservatory are motionless but a light breeze shakes the leaves at the top of the sycamore tree. When did the leaves appear?

The art of being.

Categories
ideas

soup du jour

soup du jour

I quite like this phrase. Just came into my mind now. No idea why. One of those inspirations that pop up from nowhere. Soup du jour. There, I said it again. The soup itself repeated.

Toujours Tref. 

That’s another one. There will be many others. Too many for them all to happen at once. How would anyone cope? An explosion of creativity. Of thoughts. The staccato sound of an idea machine in action like fifty out of sync woodpeckers in a forest of inventions.

Quit while you are ahead. Or just quit.

Categories
ideas

beyond your wildest dreams

What will you find beyond your wildest dreams? Dreams already so wild will anybody take them seriously? Shake loose the bonds of convention. Unshackle your imagination. 

I’m not talking posh house and a fancy set of wheels here, or a villa in the sun. That’s not your dream. That’s a dream created for you and needs no imagination.

I’m not even talking about the dream itself here. I want you to go further. Much further. To the edge.

Categories
ideas

alphabetically speaking

a eh b be bee c see sea d dee e ee F g gee ghee H i aye eye j jay k kay l el elle m em n en o oh owe p pea pee q cue queue r arr are S t tea tee u you ewe V W x ex y why Wye Z

a eh

b be bee

c see sea 

d dee

e ee 

F

g gee ghee 

H

i aye eye 

j jay 

k kay 

l el elle 

m em 

n en

o oh owe

p pea pee

q cue queue

r arr are

S

t tea tee

u you ewe

x ex

y why Wye

Categories
ideas

random shopping list

Idea – random shopping list button. You have your usual list stored with the relevant shop but also a random button that selects something you don’t find out about until the shopping is delivered.

Categories
ideas

Blank sheet of paper

Categories
ideas

Banjo with no strings

You heard it first on philosopherontap

Banjo with no strings
Banjo ไม่มีสตริง
Banjo sans ficelle
жок саптар менен Банджо
ڪوبہ ڪونھ سان بينجو
Banjo ohne Fäden
Banjo ki pa gen strings
Banjo be strings
Banjo ບໍ່ມີສາຍ
Banjo kateak ez
কোন স্ট্রিং সঙ্গে Banjo
Banjo tsis muaj cov hlua
بینجو کوئی تار کے ساتھ نہیں
Banjo ouni Strings
Μπάντζο χωρίς χορδές
බෑන්ජෝ නොකියයි
Banjo sin cuerdas
Banjo nihil chordis
Банджа без якіх-небудзь радкоў
Banjo gan aon teaghráin
Banjo zonder verplichtingen
弦のないバンジョー
Банџо без жици
ʻO kaʻaha me nā kaula
Banjo ilman merkkijonoja
Banjo bi strûreyan
Banjo sen kordoj
Banjo bez strun
Banjo ямар ч мөргүй

Categories
ideas

The correct way to hang a loo roll – Christmas special

short instructional post on how to hang a toilet roll

There should be nothing contentious about how to hang a loo roll but for some reason people often get this simple thing wrong. Toilet rolls should be hung with the loose end on the outside, away from the wall. This makes tearing off a strip with one hand much easier. This post discusses the subject. Note this dialogue only goes as far as the dispensing of the paper from the roll. We do not discuss the subsequent use of the product.

There are only really two aspects to the purchasing and dispensing of a toilet roll that should be considered. The quality of the paper itself and how it is detached from the roll prior to use. A good quality toilet roll as sold in bulk bags from all supermarkets is fine. Choose a price point that suits you. It is usually best to avoid those that claim additional padding or quilting because the thicker paper will mean fewer sheets on the roll with questionable performance benefits. On the other hand you don’t want cheap thin stuff. It doesn’t take long to home in on a product with which you are happy. If Izal is offered don’t touch it with a barge pole, let alone your backside. Mind you I don’t think you see Izal in the shops anymore.

When hanging the toilet roll it should always be done with the loose end facing away from the wall. This allows you to tear off a strip using only one hand. A quick snappy tearing action works really well. In this way you avoid unravelling half the roll. You might occasionally find it useful to rest the edge of the hand on part of the roll whilst tearing with the same hand.

Industrial packs that provide individual sheets of toilet paper should be avoided. Not only are they generally not sold in supermarkets but require special dispensers that look silly in a domestic toilet or bathroom. These dispensers are far from perfect. It is sometimes difficult to extract a sheet if the previous one was not properly removed.

A friend of ours called George once worked for a pharmaceutical company and had a garage full of large rolls of the kind used in pubs and other public toilets. When he left that job he kept his samples and the toilets in his house had large dispensers on the back of the doors. It took two years to use up the supplies before operations could return to normal.

I have nothing else to say about toilet rolls. If you do by all means leave a comment but please keep it clean:)

Below is a demonstration of the correct way to remove paper from a toilet roll.

Categories
ideas

group hug

by philosopheroNtap

This is an online group hug for people who want to get things off their chests and/or have a hug with others. It’s a lot more sterile than an actual physical hug but better than sitting alone in the darkness…
Come along and get sympathy from others on Facebook.
Categories
ideas

15 words

beginning with S

Silicon

Silicone

Sicilian

Skeptical

Serene

Sausalito

Sincere

Situation

Sarong

Sweets

Senility

Sumptuous

Sliced

Sensual

Screenshot

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ideas

MASSIVE CHRISTMAS SALE

Everything must go

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ideas

philosopherontap the options

challenge

The options
philosopherontap Philosopherontap pHilosopherontap phIlosopherontap philLosopherontap philOsopherontap philoSopherontap philosOpherontap philosoPherontap philosopHerontap philosophErontap philosopheRontap philosopherOntap philosopheroNtap philosopheronTap philosopherontAp philosopherontaP ph1losopherontap phil0sopherontap philos0pherontap philosoph3rontap philosopher0ntap philosopheront4p

The challenge
A word of 16 letters – all of which have two variables some of which have three. How many combinations of spellings are there?

phiL0sopherontap – m4k1ng you think

Categories
ideas

when madness levels reach fever pitch

try the bucket of sand method

Take one large bucket and roughly two thirds fill with sand. Any kind of sand will do so you can choose based on personal preference. Any kind of bucket will also do. It just needs to be able to fit your head in it with some room to spare – we don’t want your head getting stuck do we?  When you feel that the world is going mad around you and you want out for a short period of peace just stick your head in the bucket.

WARNING You should not stick your head in this bucket of sand for longer than you can hold your breath. It would also be sensible to have a friend nearby who can rescue you in case something goes wrong. Have a handkerchief ready to blow the sand out of your nostrils when retracting the head – eyes and mouth should be kept closed.

Why not have a burying your head in the sand party where you and like minded people can take it in turns to put your heads in the bucket. This could be made bearable by the provision of large quantities of alcohol. If getting sand on your kitchen floor (other rooms are available) worries you then you could just cut out the bucket of sand and just have the booze. Ultimately this would have the same calming effect although it should be remembered that both methods offer only temporary relief.

Categories
ideas

word game

play this at home

This is a game anyone can play at home. Work it out for yourself.

EXIT XITE ITEX TEXI
XITE ITEX TEXI EXIT
ITEX TEXI EXIT XITE
TEXI EXIT XITE ITEX

XETI ETIX TIXE IXET
ETIX TIXE IXET XETI
TIXE IXET XETI ETIX
IXET XETI ETIX TEXI

XIET IETX ETXI TXIE
IETX ETXI TXIE XIET
ETXI TXIE XIET IETX
TXIE XIET IETX ETXI

XEIT EITX ITXE TXEI
EITX ITXE TXEI XEIT
ITXE TXEI XEIT EITX
TXEI XEIT EITX ITXE

Categories
ideas

The loaded gun

Bang

Oo a loaded gun. I expect if I point it at my foot and pull the trigger it will shoot off my foot. Bang.

Happiness is a warm gun…

Mama?!